Journey to Authenticity: Embracing Change, Body Positivity, and the Pursuit of Passion with Suzanne Anderson and Elaine Torso

Sometimes in life, the most profound advice comes from unexpected places - for Suzanne Anderson, it was from her father. His wise words, 'Don't wait too long', paved the way for Suzanne to follow her heart, turning a childhood dream of becoming a hairdresser into a successful business venture, Salon Savvy. In this episode, we journey through her personal saga of following her passion, the inevitable challenges she faced, and her unyielding commitment to giving back to the industry that shaped her.

But, this episode is not just about business triumphs; it's also about personal growth. We warmly welcome Elaine Torso, a body image and mindset expert, whose mantra, 'You don't have to change your body, just your mindset', has been a guiding light for many grappling with body image issues. She shares her unique 'pop rock' approach to dissecting and addressing problems, her audacious stand against societal beauty norms, and her brave journey towards self-acceptance, all of which are bound to inspire you to embrace your authentic self.

Within these discussions, we also delve deep into our personal journeys, exploring how our experiences have shaped us. My story of becoming a hairdresser, the promise I broke, and the challenges I faced along the way, are interwoven with Suzanne's and Elaine's inspiring narratives. Our collective wisdom on embracing change, learning from mistakes, and the importance of planning are just some of the life lessons you'll glean from this episode. So, sit back, tune in, and get ready to be inspired, enlightened, and empowered.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hey you, wherever you are in the world right now. Thank you so much for being here with me. We know that we're living in some volatile times and we know that the world is changing. So let's create a bridge as we travel through one another's countries, removing all the labels, coming together as one people, finding our home in one world. And as we do this, this is why our signature talk today my dad's advice don't wait too long is so important, so let's jump right in, as I welcome my guest, suzanne Anderson. Hi, suzanne.

Speaker 2: 0:41

Hi, thank you for having me. I'm so honored to be able to be part of this event for you.

Speaker 1: 0:47

Well, thank you so much for being with us today. We're very excited to hear about this topic. My dad's advice don't wait too long. I mean, this sounds very intriguing and I'm very excited to hear more about it. But first share with me and the audience a little bit more about who you are, who I am Okay.

Speaker 2: 1:10

So my name is Suzanne L Anderson and my business name is V Salon Savvy. I will explain kind of how I got to that place of having a salon consulting business. So ever since I can remember, as a young child, I wanted to be a hairdresser and I so, like you know how little kids always say things like how many more days until my birthday or how many more days until whatever it is that they're looking forward to. I was the kid who said how many more days until we get to go to the salon to get our hair cut again? And the reason is because my mom, having three girls, she would pre-book appointments six weeks out for each one of us. All four of us would have an appointment at the same time, all in a different chair, and it just, I mean, it made sense for her. She was multitasking, so I couldn't wait to go to the salon again. I loved being in there. In fact, bj was the name of the salon owner and I was playing with the chair one time, as little kids do, which once I became a practitioner, I hated it when they did that, when they played with the chairs. But so I'm pumping it up and spinning around and BJ says to me you know, if you break that chair, you're going to be in here for a long time washing combs and brushes to pay for it. And I thought you mean, I could hang out here and wash combs and brushes.

Speaker 2: 2:56

So I which later on became my least favorite job in the salon, of course and so I tried, like everything, to break that chair. I didn't break it, but I so I remember sharing with my dad like dad, I already know what I want to do when I grow up. And he's like, oh yeah, what is that? And he said I want to be a hairdresser. And he kind of I wouldn't say laughed. But he's like, oh, you'll probably change your mind a hundred times by then, which you know. At that point I mean, in some ways I guess doesn't sound very encouraging. But he says you know how many girls, when I graduated from high school, wanted to, wanted to go to beauty school? And I can only think of one person that I know that actually did, and her name was Suzy and she actually was a customer of mine when I was doing salon consulting for a major distributor. But anyways, that's a whole other story.

Speaker 2: 4:00

And so at that point in time he my dad made me promise him that. Well, this is probably later on, when I was a little bit older and I was still saying that this is what I wanted to do, and he said okay, but make me one promise that if you ever get to a place where you don't love what you do, that you won't feel obligated, that you have to stay because that's what you went to school for and you paid money and you did all of this like give yourself permission that you will go and do something else. Don't wind up like me and hate your job every day. Do promise me that if you find that you hate what you do, you'll do something else, so you'll never have to work in a day in your life. And I was like, okay, I can keep that promise.

Speaker 2: 4:52

So I took a year off right out of high school. I wasn't a stellar student ever. Now, later on in my life, I learned I'm probably dyslexic not have not been fully diagnosed, but from everything that I've learned and heard about it that. So I wanted to take a year off. Now they call that a gap year between graduating from high school and attending college. And again my dad said oh my gosh, please don't do that. If you'll make new friends or do something stupid like buy a car and you'll have car payments and you'll never go to school. And I said I promise you, nope, that's not going to happen and he's okay, I hope you're proven wrong. I did that.

Speaker 2: 5:35

Following year I started beauty school and I was ready. I wanted to give it my all. So I wanted to be rested and prepared and ready. So the following year I went to school and I was just in all in and had was for many years wore different hats in the salon industry, super passionate about it. I love the industry. It's, in my opinion, one of the best industries to be in.

Speaker 2: 6:07

So my passion started to shift after 20 years in the industry to more paying it forward and giving back to the industry that had given so much to me over so many years. So I started an apprenticeship program eventually and I loved it. I loved seeing people, the growth that could happen, and somebody taught me everything I knew. So it was time for me to teach them some. But you know that what I had learned and so it slowly evolved over time and we'll get into how that happened. But soon B Salon Savvy was born and I am loving, especially during this time, that we're having and being able to show salon practitioners the way that they can create the job that they have dreamed of and will love and be successful. So that's in a nutshell of where I started and how I've gotten to where I am today.

Speaker 1: 7:23

I love your story about being the little girl in the chair trying to break it.

Speaker 2: 7:28

You only did try my best.

Speaker 1: 7:32

I thought. What you were going to say, though, was that you would have to pay for it, because isn't that usually what people would say, like if you break it, you have to pay for it?

Speaker 2: 7:42

Well, and really that's what she was saying is, I would be paying for it by working for her washing combs and brushes, so anyway, but it's just so cute because I can see that in my head, like this little girl trying to break this chair.

Speaker 1: 8:00

But I love that whole idea that you knew so passionately what you wanted to do. I think there's so many people like your dad said that they just, you know, they change their minds over and over throughout time and they have a different perspective of how they want to live their life because you know, they grow, they change, they evolve. So you know their life is different. But this part of you about your dad's advice you know, don't wait too long like how does that come into this equation with your life and building the salon savvy? Like how did that work out for you?

Speaker 2: 8:42

Well, yeah, I'm glad that you asked. It's interesting how it all came about. So, to give you a little bit of background, my family was pretty much the traditional what I consider traditional family, where my mom stayed home with us as much as she could to raise the kids and my dad, you know his job was to go out and be the breadwinner and provide for our family, and so for a long time I would my dad even a lot of times had to travel out of state for work and things like that, so unfortunately he was absent a lot of the time just because he was doing his best to provide for his family. So oftentimes I've been caught saying like, oh no, my mom, my mom raised us because she was the more hands-on and always present, so she waited until all of us were in school before she even started. She did part-time work, which eventually evolved into full-time work and stuff. So the interesting thing is that as I got older I realized, oh no, my dad did do a lot to raise us, and I mean, I kind of already shared one of those stories in regards to you know, don't stay in a job that you hate, and so, and you know, promise me that you'll this gap gear thing and anyway.

Speaker 2: 10:26

So my dad's advice was always very short and sweet and to the point. He's very black and white. He was just. He didn't sugarcoat anything either. Like you didn't have to wonder what he thought or felt about something. He would tell you whether you wanted to hear it or not.

Speaker 2: 10:49

So I this thing was happening, several things were happening with me in my career all at the same time, and I will say that I was being drawn to pulled into directions in many different ways of like you're being called to do something different than what you're currently doing, and in one of the ways is, just from a physical standpoint, there were certain things that I was dealing with, that my body was telling me you're not going to be able to do this for the next 27 years, so you need to start thinking about what your exit strategy is or what other strings of income you're going to need to have. So, from a physical standpoint just just a lot of different almost from every direction that you can think of I was being shown, you're being called, you have a message and you're going to deliver it. Like you have the power to change the world, which I believe most all of us do, and this is the vehicle that you're going to use to deliver it. And sometimes you know we're just getting to our comfort zone, so so much, and I describe it to people a lot of like a fly or a nap that keeps on coming into your line of sight and you're like go away and you keep trying to like wave this annoying thing out of the way, because you think to yourself, your, your mindset, your inside voice is telling you you can't do that. What are you thinking? Who's gonna listen to you? What are you gonna do financially? Like? You have this loyal clientele. This is, and again, my identity. I mean, I've identified myself as a stylist, a salon professional practitioner all my practically all my life. I mean, so you're just gonna all of that work and time and what you've built and you're just gonna walk away from that. That's crazy anyway. So that just go.

Speaker 2: 13:12

That just kind of breaks it down as far as like how heavy you know this thing was, this pull, it was a tug of war where I knew I was being.

Speaker 2: 13:25

You're doing this and then the other you know the inside voice or whatever if, like, this could never work because of this and this and this and this, and so I really I'm a woman of faith and I I've always prayed. If, like, I need a sign, I need guidance. There's a lot of times when you think, oh, I need to make this move or do something, but I know this, the timing isn't quite right and so I'd like I need a sign, like you're gonna have to give me some sort of sign so that I know that I'm doing the right thing. And if, if and when I get that sign, then I'm, I'm committed, like I'm all in blind faith, and so different times in my life I've just needed that moment. There was a time in my life when I was working for a certain company. Things were changing. You know, it's one of those things of like. It was a small, privately owned company and a big corporation bought this company and things were changing and I loved working for the the small family owned business.

Speaker 2: 14:35

And then you know, when the it turned into this bigger thing, it was just different and I was really struggling with is it time for me to leave and make a change, and kind of the same things. Well, guess what happened? I knew it was like wait, wait, wait, wait. And then one day, in a single moment, I remembered oh my god, I promised my dad that if I ever hated a job, I would never stay, and for whatever reason that that hadn't clipped in my head until that moment. I don't know other than the fact that now I was getting the sign that I needed. Nope, now's the time. And as soon as I remembered that from, I thought I am breaking my promise. Like I'm a, I'm a person of my word. And so that was it for me. I knew with complete confidence that it was the time and everything was going to be fine and I would figure it out, and the plan was already laid before me. I just needed to walk down it. So that that's an example of the not the first time, but one of the times that my dad's message just was the thing that I needed.

Speaker 2: 15:54

So so fast forward to two years ago, and well, I guess almost three years ago now. So my dad, unfortunately, was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer and he was put on hospice and my mom it's, it's. I don't know if you've ever been in that situation. I mean I don't. Hospice is great if you know that somebody wants to be able to go that way at home and but it really throws you into. You know if you've ever done any kind of caregiving to that level and stuff, and so it was a lot. It was too much for my mom to be able to do just by herself.

Speaker 2: 16:38

So I decided that it was time for me to take a hiatus for my practice and move home to live with my parents and help my dad, or you know, basically help my mom with whatever my dad's needs were. And so he wasn't very comfortable with that and he was a very prideful man and it. He just didn't want to be a burden to anybody. And so the thought of his youngest daughter giving up her practice and I mean I didn't have to totally give it up. Luckily, because of my apprenticeship program, I had somebody that could step in and take care of my clientele the best that she could. She was an angel, absolute godsend and and so. But I was like, oh no, I'm, I'm, this is where I belong.

Speaker 2: 17:31

But I needed to put his mind at ease about it. Like he was so distraught over the fact that somebody was going to have to make those level of circle sacrifices to be able to care for him. So, in an effort to put his mind at ease and have him be more accepting of me moving home, I shared with him that a lot of things were happening to me and my own fault, I had worked myself too hard for too long and was in complete adrenal fatigue. That diagnosis had come and now, I see, at the perfect time timing, just you know, right before his diagnosis and and so I actually needed a hiatus.

Speaker 2: 18:17

But I also shared with him like I've been really feeling like I need to start a consulting business, like I have this burning desire to share my message and I think that I should probably write a book and I should. You know all. I just shared with him all of these things and he just listened. I mean that I will. He was a very good listener and I, you know, at the time I'm just thinking I'm, I'm just sharing this with him only because I'm trying to get him to accept the fact that I'm moving home and I will be by your side as long as you need to be and him to accept that it was very important.

Speaker 2: 19:01

So, after sharing with him all of the reasons why it was, it was good for me to be able to do this. He just looked at me and said one pretty much one simple line to summit all up and he said don't wait too long, it's later than you think.

Speaker 1: 19:23

Wow, wow, I so, holy cow, that's a lot to take in all at once.

Speaker 1: 19:33

I mean, first of all, I can't even imagine what it's like to be put in your shoes and, you know, go back home and have to take care of a parent like that.

Speaker 1: 19:44

I know there's a lot of people in our audience that probably can relate to being in that position and at the same time, you know you're in a sense parenting him right and reassuring him, like he used to do with you as a little girl, I'm sure.

Speaker 1: 20:03

So I mean, it's just a testament of how beautiful you are and a testament of how you were raised and you know how much beautiful character you have. As far as your, your moral compass and desire to give him that safe space to, you know, go through the prostate cancer and all of that and give him the comfort and peace of mind that you've also heeded his advice that he's given you from the time you were a little girl and how brave it is for you to actually do that like, take that courageous act and just go with it, because there's so many people that get those nagging calls all the time and they just, as you said, like an annoying that they just kind of splash it away and you know, it's like no, I'm not gonna do anything with that, I'm gonna ignore that, and it just keeps happening and keeps happening. So I'm really intrigued to hear more about how this goes forward for you and hear more about what happens well.

Speaker 2: 21:10

So, like I had shared before about the, in an instant, once that had come to my memory of the promise that I had need him. It was the same kind of experience, like in an instant. Then I knew now was the time that I I was going to have to jump in with both feet and burn the boats, so to speak and I'm a planner, though, just like my gap year. So I had to do some planning. I didn't just drop all my responsibilities and walk away and I gave myself a year and got things set up and organized. But the other thing you know my dad he gave great advice, but he also taught by example in two ways Either the normal, traditional way that you would think of somebody teaches by example you know they show integrity and things like that but the other way that my dad taught was he would say this often, do as I say, not as I do.

Speaker 2: 22:26

Like being a bratty teenager, I would say, well, how can you tell me not to do that when you are doing this? Or you did this or whatever. And that's what he would say is do as.

Speaker 2: 22:37

I say not as I do, and so that's another one of the hashtags that I'll use a lot in my training, because I'm telling people these are the mistakes that I made in my career and I'm here to say you know, don't do it this way.

Speaker 2: 22:56

I learned that it didn't work out that great.

Speaker 2: 22:58

So you can either learn the hard way or you can learn from somebody else's experience. So in sharing that, basically what I'm getting to is that you know he things progress very quickly with my dad's illness, and so here we were trying to pull information from him about you know how to take care of certain things on the property that he owned and that my parents lived on for many years. And so, just in story, like quickly, all of a sudden, you want to learn all that you can from them, because you've realized, like time is of the essence and things happen so quickly that I watched a man with a palethora of information slip away and not have the opportunity to share all that he knew, and one of the reasons why is that he he wasn't as patient as some to be able to share it, but but still it. It taught me a lot and it showed me a lot, especially being on the heels of the. You know the statement that he shared with me and I just live by that statement.

Speaker 2: 24:14

Now I'm wearing a necklace. I have a dear friend that had it engraved. Don't wait too long on this necklace.

Speaker 1: 24:23

And.

Speaker 2: 24:23

I just I, I have that saying it. You know, it's in front of me a lot, it's the wallpaper on my phone, it's, it's on a storyboard, it's, and it's really just changed my life, because you don't have any, you have no idea how much time, and so you know it's things like don't wait too long to forgive or say you're sorry, or accept something, or or say no to something that's not serving you, and just a lot of different areas. But it was the push that I needed. I felt like I had his total support in making this significant career change. And yeah, from a man who, who was sitting in those shoes of like I don't, I'm at a place now where I don't have time to teach everything that I've I've learned over my life. So that's pretty much how it all came together.

Speaker 1: 25:32

It's beautiful and I just have a question asked did you write your book, or is that something that you're in the work, working on now?

Speaker 2: 25:42

Yeah, I'm in the process. There are, there are so many irons in the fire. I, you know, I'm self-proclaimed entrepreneur and in the, in the entrepreneurs I'm sure that you yourself are talking with, like, we always have all these different ideas that come to our minds and it's like, oh, I want to do this and I want to do that, and I'm really still in the beautiful building stages of my business and getting that really up and going and so a book will come. So it's, it's just one of those, you know, projects that doesn't happen overnight, but I will keep at it.

Speaker 1: 26:26

And I'm sure it will be dedicated to your dad. Yes, yeah, it's beautiful, suzanne, this, this experience that you shared with the audience. It's priceless, like there's just no other word than priceless to put on it. There's so many people in the audience that grow up without a dad or have the ability to talk to their dad. Maybe their you know father passed when they were a small child or left when they were small you know, whatever it may be.

Speaker 1: 26:59

So it's a beautiful gift that you're giving the world to share your dad with us and they just thank you so much for that because it's it's just so beautiful. And I know you know, with his passing and everything I'm sure it's not that easy. So you know, on behalf of all of us, our condolences and I know forever he'll be with you. I also wanted to ask you one last question. If I were to find your earth angel father on the ground and I picked it up, what would your message to the world be?

Speaker 2: 27:40

Well, first I want to say, in case I don't get the opportunity after I answer this question, is thank you so much for those words and thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to share that story. You know, obviously it was huge change and pivotal moment for me and in my life, and shame if it was only for one. You know, like if it can help other people, like it just makes that message that much more powerful and I will be happy to share it for that reason. So my angel message right? So it's one of the quotes that I use a lot, of, a lot, and it stems from the quote that I don't much care for, and that is you only live once. And I'm sure I mean pretty much.

Speaker 2: 28:44

Everybody's probably heard that and probably even repeated it and used it because it fits for for a lot of things. But the way that I see it is, we live every day like every day is a gift and if you go into each day with that attitude and and have gratitude for the day, even if it might not be the best day or the weather isn't ideal or whatever it might be, it's all about mindset and that's finding the good, even if there is some bad, they come together and it just whatever you're looking for, you'll find. So I say no, you live every day. You only die once, so make that the new message. I would love it, you know, if hashtag Yodo was the the new one. You only die once, so that would be. That would be my angel statement.

Speaker 1: 29:50

Yeah, and combine that with don't wait too long to live right, because it's so important that you do live. So thank you so so much for sharing all of this with me, sharing it with the audience around the world. I just don't even have words, you know, to really attach to how poignant it is in this space that we're living in and just to have some words of wisdom that can help people. It's just really beautiful. So thank you so much again, suzanne.

Speaker 2: 30:22

Well, Catherine, it's absolutely been my pleasure.

Speaker 1: 30:25

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 30:27

And if the audience would like to connect with Suzanne after our podcast recording, you can reach her at info at B salon savvy, or you can find her on, and that's on Facebook, and then you can also reach her at LinkedIn, suzanne L Anderson, and I'll spell that out for you it's S U Z A N N E L like Larry not Larry, though Anderson a N D E R S? O? N, and that's all we have time for today. This is Catherine Daniels from Retreat the Peace, reminding you to live your authentic life with peace and, as always, retreat to peace, and we will see you next time. Today, I am super excited to welcome my guests to Lane Torso.

Speaker 3: 31:27

How are you Lane Good, how are you doing? Thanks so much for having me.

Speaker 1: 31:32

Of course I'm doing great and I'm very excited to have you. Elaine is known as Elaine the Brain. She recently retired from photography after 10 years of being an award-winning outdoor portrait photographer. Ooh la la. Elaine is an author and easily offends her mother with the title, as it contains the F-word and her three middle fingers to finally displayed on the cover. And her friends call her Elaine the Brain because she gets strange and innovative pop rock to help people find creative solutions to their problems.

Speaker 3: 32:17

I love this idea of pop rocks and Elaine the Brain that sounds like so much fun it is, but sometimes it's hard to turn it off, but it's really really helpful for other people. I always ask them if they want to borrow my brain.

Speaker 1: 32:33

I can totally see that. And then you're, and then you're kind of pushing the envelope with your, your book with the F-word, and you, just you love to have fun.

Speaker 3: 32:44

This is true. Yes, I must have fun.

Speaker 1: 32:48

This is great so let's talk about your signature. Talk today. You don't have to change your body, just your mindset. So what do you mean by that?

Speaker 3: 32:58

So I'm gonna tell you a story on how I got to this place. So when I was five years old I was I suffered with third degree burns and it was. You know, growing up looking different than all of the other girls in the locker room was really hard and I struggled with that, a lot Like I would compare myself to other girls and it was. I didn't look like them. I stood out and that was really hard for me. When I, after I got married, had kids and stuff like that, you know I was, I was always the lady that I wore sweaters. I wore everything to cover myself as much as possible. I didn't want anyone to see that I had scars. I was ashamed, I was embarrassed. I thought people were going to, you know, point their finger and laugh at me and call me a freak and blah, blah, blah, all the crap right.

Speaker 3: 33:59

One day I decided I had I had purchased this really cute dress and it was a spaghetti strap dress and I would wear the dress, but I would always wear a sweater over it, like, had to cover my arms, had to cover everything. And one day I decided that I was not gonna wear a sweater and we were going to the mall and I come walking out and my husband just like, are you okay? I don't really know what's going on here, do why? I don't know what to do. Like tell me what to do. Like this is new and I'm not really sure what's happening. I'm like, no, I'm fine, because in my head I had built up the story that people were going to laugh at me, they're going to poke in, you know just the horrible things that you think are going to happen. And guess what? None of it happened. It was all in my head. It was all in my head and so I that was like my moment right, like all. Like like I had this like rebirth sort of moment where I was like you know what, I am gonna stop caring what other people think and I'm just gonna live my life. Because they're living their life and they're probably more worried about themselves and they are about me.

Speaker 3: 35:09

And I found that to be true once I started photographing women. Boy are women very insecure? And I really discovered that. I loved photographing women and helping them see their power, helping them see their beauty and really just giving them the space to discover who they were, just by taking their, their portrait. Something clicked within them and it was the most amazing experience.

Speaker 3: 35:43

And so what I started recognizing was that women were coming in to be photographed, usually for someone else, but deep, what they actually were the recipients of this enormous confidence boost.

Speaker 3: 35:59

They walked out of that studio with a little pep in their step right, a little more confidence under their feet that day, and I loved being a part of that right. They thought they were doing it for someone else, but deep down inside, it was a gift for them and I wanted to continue helping women do that, and I decided to take it a little bit further and I had developed a program, a 30-day program, and that's when I really truly discovered that it was not actually about your physical body. It was all about your mindset and all of the things we've been conditioned to believe about us, like what society the quote society? I don't still don't know who society is, honestly, because I've never met them, but they're pretty darn critical and make these in invisible rules that we're supposed to adhere to, and I am like no, no, done, uh-uh, zero. So I love helping people get out of that mindset that you have to, that you're doing something to please someone else. It's like no, what about you? Because that's really truly what matters. Yeah and I know for myself.

Speaker 1: 37:17

I grew up in a situation where I wasn't allowed to watch TV, I wasn't allowed to have exposures to different downloads that people get, so I don't feel like I've, you know, have gone through that too much, but I noticed that most people around me and it's like everyone, it seems, because from a very early age people are being programmed that this is how you're supposed to show up in the world, and it breaks my heart when I my daughter when she was in college I go to the college campus and I look around and all of everyone looks the same, because everybody is dressing the same, their hair is the same, their handbags, you know, whatever it is, it all just looks the same.

Speaker 1: 38:09

And it breaks my heart because we're supposed to be individuals, we're supposed to be our own unique person and that's our gift to the world is to be our own unique person. So I identify with what you're saying. But where do you find these? So these women that are coming in for their photographs? Where? Where do you find that disconnect in them? Is it coming from that space of when they were a little girl? Where is it something someone said to them? Is it the images they saw like where does it come from?

Speaker 3: 38:44

it comes from many, many sources. One example I'll give you was a gal that was in my program. She was our oldest, our oldest gal. She was turning 60 and she, her mother, was very abusive around her weight and made her stand naked on a scale every single day and if she gained a pound, she was. Her hair was pulled, her, she was slapped. She was, she was abused. And so she grew up in this, this unworthy environment that she was. She was not good enough because she was not. You know, quote skinny, which is the least favorite word in the dictionary for me is the word skinny. But that's she was. She was not, and she was punished, physically punished for that.

Speaker 3: 39:43

And if you can imagine growing up with that torment, that you are never going to be good enough unless you are a certain size, nobody's ever gonna love you, no one's ever. You're never gonna find a husband, which is all what all women are supposed to do. That is our whole reason for living is to find a husband, which is, you know, bs. But that's how she was programmed, to believe that. And for 60 years she did find a husband who turned into an abusive jerk after they got married, you know, and forced surgeries on her Dangerous surgeries, by the way she just was basically told all her life that she was not good enough because she was not skinny. And when I got her, when I got my hands on her boy, was that a lot of work. That was a lot of work and we did a lot of work together and it was just her finally having the confidence within herself to accept and love herself just the way she was. And, interestingly, one of the beauty parts about what I was doing this program, this was a couple years ago was I, the women that I was working with all found the courage and the confidence to let me photograph them.

Speaker 3: 41:09

And this particular woman decided she was like you know what I'm done hiding. I'm not even going to let close, I'm not even going to hide behind clothes. And she was like I want to do a couple of nude ones. I'm like, okay, whatever, like safe place, right. And she just that was what she needed in order to find herself again. And I am happy to like. When she came to me, she was like her goal was to file for divorce. That was her goal. And I was like, oh, like, I feel kind of weird about this, like you know. But that's what she needed to do. She needed to break away from this person who was treating her so horribly. And she did, and now she is living a life and traveling and happy, and it's just I don't know, it's just this transformation that she had. But it took her 60 years to finally start loving herself and I feel like we should not know women should have to wait 60 years to love herself.

Speaker 3: 42:14

And I see that when I was doing photography, like most of the women that were coming in were in their 30s and 40s and that was still too long to say, okay, now I'm going to love myself, like, like you're, like it's something that we're supposed to hate ourselves. And I saw this quote once that was like Yep, and it said if, if women loved themselves, imagine how many businesses would no longer exist. They would go bankrupt because they are profiting off of women's insecurities that you're not skinny enough, that you're not thin enough, that you're not pretty enough, that your hair is not long enough, that you have to be this like no right. And I saw a video yesterday, just happened to pop into my, to my feed. There's a woman that has a show juggling with the Jenkins and she. I love her.

Speaker 3: 43:13

She was going through pictures on the internet and reading some of the comments, and doesn't matter what size a woman was, someone has something negative to say, and even the woman who was the thinnest of them all. Then it turned to she's too skinny, she needs to eat a cheeseburger, like. That's the kind of things she was like. So all of these women were in bathing suits and we're being criticized, including celebrities, and she's like. So it doesn't matter where, the damn bathing suit, because someone's always going to have something to say. But go out and live your life anyways, because these people, these internet trolls, do not matter, right? We cannot allow these invisible people that don't actually they're not in our direct circle of love to have this impact on us, to prevent us from living our best life, because we're worried about what someone else is going to think or say.

Speaker 1: 44:09

Yeah yeah that's.

Speaker 1: 44:11

That is so true. And for someone like yourself who had a situation where you have scars, I find I find that really interesting too, because for a lot of moms who have C sections, their bodies have been altered and for some they feel this sense of shame, and that always breaks my heart because you've had this beautiful gift of a child that you've brought into the world with your body, and to feel shame around that part of yourself is just heartbreaking. So how, how do you get someone to take that part of them that may have those scars, to love themselves?

Speaker 3: 44:59

So I love to, I love to flip it, and I am very much the fact that, instead of looking at what my body looks like, I look and focus instead on what my body can do. So my body is strong. My, my arms are strong. Yes, they may be flabby, but my arms are strong and I can hug and I can embrace others, and that is a gift. My stomach may be flabby, right, but it allows me. It allowed me to carry two beautiful, healthy children, you know. And yes, I have scars and yes, I have stretch marks and yes, I have cellulite.

Speaker 3: 45:37

So what? I know that I'm not alone and that doesn't mean that I'm less beautiful or that I'm less worthy or that I'm not worthy of being loved because my body is not perfect, because I don't know about you, but I've never met a perfect body. It doesn't exist, right, perfectly perfect. I have a tattooed on my arm. I am perfectly imperfect and I am absolutely 100% okay with that, because I am a unique, amazing individual and I celebrate the fact that I'm a unique, amazing individual. No one else is like me, and isn't that freaking cool, right? I am absolutely okay with being who I am and I encourage other women to celebrate who they are, and men to celebrate who you are, and that that is absolutely good enough. You do not have to change your appearance in order to receive love.

Speaker 1: 46:42

Yeah, yeah. When it comes to changing your appearance, I, you know, often think about how people will do. Piercings, they'll do. Tattoos, they'll do you know, these alterations on their body to fit in per se, right as far as how they view the world? Because as you look at time, you see people change throughout time, you see how things are accepted or not accepted and you see a lot of evolution. But what, what is your thought around people changing to try to fit in?

Speaker 3: 47:25

I am not a fan. I think that you know. I've seen women specifically try to lighten their skin in order to be to accept more into another race. Maybe I have seen, you know, I I love to. There's a? There's a great, there's a great Instagram account called beauty underscore redefined, and they are a set of twins and they are psychologists, and one of the things that they say is that your body is not an ornament, right, and so that is how we have been conditioned, though, and so I, when I look at like, for example, compliments I compliment people on their decorations, the way that they choose to decorate themselves, not the thing that they have no control over. So, complimenting someone's eye color, for example, they have no control over their eye color, but they can control their eye shadow, right? That is something that you, that you can add as a decoration. I'm not going to compliment someone's weight loss, because I don't know their situation. I don't know if they're sick, I don't know if they intentionally were losing weight, but I don't want them to feel like they're better because they're thinner, they're taking up less space in the world, so I will instead compliment what she's wearing. That is her choice, that is of her.

Speaker 3: 48:57

Choosing Tattoos are a choice. I have tattoos I love. I have chest tattoos. I have arm tattoos, like I love tattoos. I think they're a great way painful way, by the way to decorate yourself and to have self expression. Same with piercings and things like that. Like, it's a choice.

Speaker 3: 49:14

But are you doing it to fit in or are you doing it as a form of self expression? Fitting in I am anti fitting in. I think that just by my mere existence, that I shouldn't have to try to fit in in order to belong, I belong wherever I show up, right, I belong there and we all do. But for some of us, there is this, this thought that I have to look a certain way in order to fit in. Right, I was thinking of the Mean Girls movie. I don't know if you've seen Mean Girls, but it's this inherent thing that I have to fit in and I have to look a certain way in order to fit in. And if I don't, I'm going to be shunned, I'm going to be, I'm going to be labeled as something else that I don't want to be labeled, and that's, I think, where we get into a lot of trouble is that when we start putting labels on the people.

Speaker 3: 50:09

I made a declaration a couple of years ago that I was. I was shedding the labels that other people had put on me, and I was also shedding the labels that I had put on myself. And so I was just Elaine the photographer and I didn't want to have that label anymore because I was so much more than just a photographer. I'm, you know, I'm a wife, I'm a mother, I'm a sister. I, you know, I am an anti, I'm like all of these other things. But everybody was trying to shove these labels on me and I was like I am done with your labels and trying to fit into your box, because I do not fit into any box and none of us should fit into any box. Like, no, we are. We are not meant to be put into boxes. We are meant to shine authentically on our own. We do not have to have anyone else's approval in order to find love and acceptance.

Speaker 1: 51:10

Absolutely. And I going back to your photographer side of you, it's interesting because you were taking pictures of these women and allowing them to be in their own skin authentically, which empowered them. But as a photographer, when you look at you know pictures on a magazine or in a newspaper or on the television. They say pictures say a thousand words. But it's interesting because as a photographer you can kind of design what that picture looks like.

Speaker 3: 51:52

Oh yes, photoshop is a real thing, and I was anti-photoshop, like I was not. If people asked me to Photoshop them, I would give them a big, giant zero. No, we're not doing that because you don't need to be photoshopped, like I know. I'm not doing that. I actually had one time a mother of a groom ask me if I would Photoshop her neck and I said you might as well just grab a paper bag and put it over your head right now, because you don't walk around with a Photoshop neck and you're so hideous that your neck is horrible and nobody wants to look at you. How are you even existing in the world? Like? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And so, no, I'm not photoshopping your neck. And if you ask me to take 20 pounds off of your body in Photoshop, I'm not doing that either. So don't ask me, because I don't do that. I am here to capture you authentically as you are right now in your skin, and you will see that you are worthy of love without being photoshopped. So I did not remove stretch marks. I did not remove cellulite, because that was not my job.

Speaker 3: 53:06

My job was to capture you who you are, and there are actually companies over in Europe that banned Photoshop in art magazines and things like that, and it actually started coming more over to the States, which is super awesome. I have been there was there was an ad for panties coming through my Instagram feed and I the first thing I noticed was she has stretch marks. Oh my God, this is amazing. And I went and looked at the comments and people were like I am buying these just because you have an ad with a woman with stretch marks. I support this 100%. And I was like, yes, like finally a company who was not trying to shame us and to remove the things that make us who we are, Like you do not have no, like I just can't, I just can't, I just can't.

Speaker 3: 54:08

So it was, it was hard, but once, if someone said that to me, they got a little talking to. We had a little come to Jesus, talk about that, because it's not. It's not a positive environment, and you're walking around thinking that you're not good enough and that, oh, just just make me look thinner and then I'll be happy. And there was actually this I can't remember the name of it, but there was this study, or not a study, but like this thing, that experiment. That's what it was, and it was an experiment. These people were intentionally Photoshopped to look like a supermodel on the cover of a magazine and they saw the photo and they were like, ah, this isn't. They doesn't even look like them anymore. So all of a sudden, now they're like okay, I'm happy with who I am, because that version of me is not me and I don't like that. It doesn't look right, I look sick, I don't look like myself, and so I'm like yeah, so be careful what you wish for, because you may not like the end result, right?

Speaker 1: 55:13

Right, right, yeah, and I love all your key points around just loving yourself and just embracing that side of you that maybe you're not as open to embracing. Because I agree with you. I recently saw an ad similar, and it was a woman in bathing suit and she too had cellulite and some stretch marks and I thought finally, like literally finally, because that's the real woman. Right, that's, that's the real woman.

Speaker 3: 55:47

So I agree with you Real women come in every shape and size and they come in thin models and they come in and not so thin models, they come in every size. So when we say real women, it also could potentially demean women who are super thin models. Right, they are. They are still real women, right? So that is something that I learned within myself that I was like, oh crap, I should probably not say that Like I'm looking for real women. It's like no, all women are real women, you know, and it doesn't matter their size. To be a real woman, it doesn't matter what size you are, what your dress size is, it's. That's not what it's about.

Speaker 1: 56:30

Yeah, and I think you know the messaging of real is really around. You're not being photoshopped, because that showing up in your authentic skin is what's real Right and you photoshop it. It's not real, it's not real.

Speaker 1: 56:47

Exactly, it's not real. It's not the actual person. So it is a very beautiful, beautiful thing to see a society's transitioning into that space of authenticity, so amazing. So, elaine, I have one last question for you. If I were to find your Earth Angel feather on the ground and I picked it up, what would your message to the world be?

Speaker 3: 57:15

Oh, my goodness, it's going to be be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. And that's a quote from Oscar Wilde which I actually have up on my wall, because the message is clear is that you are an imperfect, amazing human being right now, just as you are. You don't have to change a thing. You don't have to change your body. You just have to change your mindset.

Speaker 1: 57:42

Well said, I love it. Thank you so much for being with us and I so appreciate this message. It's so needed, especially in this age that we live in, so it's so, so appreciated. Thank you, a lot of gratitude for that.

Speaker 3: 57:56

Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1: 57:59

Of course, and for the audience that would like to connect with Elaine after the show, you can listen to her on pottymouth pep talk. Her podcast You've also on Facebook and Instagram. Again, thank you so much, elaine.

Speaker 3: 58:15

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 58:17

And that's all we have time for today. This is Catherine Daniels, reminding you to live your authentic life and peace and, as always, retreat to peace. We will see you next time.