From Chaos to Connection: The Challenges and Triumphs of Blending Families

Navigating the complex world of blended families can be a daunting task. We had a thought-provoking conversation with Step Family Coach Jen Rogers, who shared her personal journey of blending families and the challenges she encountered. Our discussion centered around the impact of labels on family dynamics and the reasons behind couples separating after decades of marriage. Jen's experiences and insights provided an eye-opening perspective on what it means to merge two households, manage expectations, and avoid common pitfalls.

The mental health of children during these challenging times was another significant topic we explored. Jen highlighted the importance of compassionate listening and understanding the changes children are going through to help them stay optimistic. We shared guidance for parents to help their children navigate this emotional upheaval and emphasized the power of family planning and connection to combat feelings of isolation and depression.

Jen also gave us an inside look at the dynamics of parenting boys, the value of open conversations, and the pressing need for pastors to minister to blended families. She offered insightful advice on fostering family unity, handling conflict between ex-spouses, and the importance of recapturing the moment of falling in love to blend families successfully. We wrapped up with a discussion on the potential healing power of retreats and workshops, and the importance of authentic living. Join us for this insightful conversation, as Jen inspires us with her message of hope and the importance of finding joy in all situations.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Thank you, you in the world right now. Thank you so much for being here with me. We know that we're living in some crazy times and we know that the world is changing, so let's create a bridge as we travel through one another's countries, coming together as one people in our home and one world. And as we do this, this is why our signature talk today Beautifully Blended Step Families is so important, and today I am so super excited to welcome my guest speaker. Her name is Jen Rogers and she's a Step Family coach. Hi, Jen.

Speaker 2: 1:03

Hi there Gosh, so excited to be here. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 1:07

You're so welcome, and this Step Family coaching is an incredible thing to be doing, because I know so many people have issues around blended families and getting along and especially in a you know, a world that we're living in, I think it's just difficult for people that aren't blended to get along at times, right.

Speaker 2: 1:29

So I think, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:33

So I think your expertise in this, you know capacity, is just going to be so enlightening for so many people. But I really want to, you know, take a step back a little bit and let's start at the beginning. So you're a step mom, and how long have you been married to your husband?

Speaker 2: 1:52

For a little over six years now.

Speaker 1: 1:54

Okay, and between the two of you, how many kids do you have?

Speaker 2: 1:59

Well, I answer that in two different ways Today. I'm going to answer it and say we have six. So we have two girls, we have two boys and we have two dogs. And the reason I include the dogs is because I asked the question of the six, who do you think is the easiest to co parent? And it's definitely, definitely the dogs. They don't see step, they don't see blended, whereas the rest of us in the family we take those labels and they turn into some things that we may not expect them to turn into. But with the dogs you just get puppy love all the time.

Speaker 1: 2:34

Yeah, and isn't it interesting? Because dogs don't have the labels that people do and, to your point, you know the labeling it does impact us and the fact that there is a label it's like why can't we just get rid of those labels, right? But I love that you're coming on today and sharing with our audience this topic, because I feel like around the world, especially here in the United States, we deal with some major major relationship issues and I feel like from my own personal experience I mean, I grew up with my grandparents and my grandparents met when they were children and they grew up together and, you know, fell in love, got married and they lived the rest of their years out together and we don't see that anymore. We just don't see that anymore. We see people getting together and then they end up, you know, splitting after how many years. I mean I know so many people that have been married for 20 years and then they're separating because of the empty nest you know situation and they don't know who they are anymore and they're not connecting anymore. So they're seeking out new relationships and I really feel like there's something that's been lost along the way and I don't know how many people really can identify it exactly, but the fact that you're willing to go into this space where people are opening themselves up to connect and get married again and bring families together.

Speaker 1: 4:18

Because that's really what you're doing is you're bringing two families together and your family system has just gotten bigger, because you've got not only the original family from when you know you were married with your partner the first time and the kids, but now you have this introduction of this whole other family dynamic and all of their extended relatives. So there's a lot, a lot, a lot going on here. A lot Makes it very complex, very confusing, I think, for the kids. So let's, let's dive into this. I mean, share with me how this came about for you. How did you become a step family coach? What happened that triggered it for you?

Speaker 2: 5:06

Well, you asked me how long I was married. So, for six years married. And when you get remarried, you go into it thinking I have these experiences, I have life experiences, I'm comfortable in my career, I know where I'm headed, I know what my purpose is. And then all of a sudden, this divorce comes and things get shaken up and once you recover from that, for me I made a list when I get remarried, this guy has to have this, this, this and this. So, truly, I had predecided that there were certain things that were going to happen a certain way, based on my prior experience. So I I'm not going to dive into my first marriage other than to say that it wasn't a good marriage and it was 22 years of not being a good marriage. And one day, when someone asked me, why did you, or how long have you, been trying to get divorced, I had said, oh my gosh, almost a whole time, without really understanding. And as I look back and talk to you now about it, it does tie into that connection that there wasn't connection. So when you spend a couple of decades disconnected and you get an opportunity to start over, you're going to start over with a mindset that's different, and you are. You know some of the challenges in marriage. So when you get remarried you say, okay, I'm not going to experience those again, except it doesn't quite work like that. And so you almost set yourself up, for you have false expectations on realistic expectations, because even though you may have been married before, you haven't been blended before, you haven't brought those two households together, and so there is a lot of collision that goes on.

Speaker 2: 7:00

So when my husband and I got married, our we had I had two girls that were out of the nest, and then he had two boys that he brought into the nest. So for me personally, as a stepmom, I had a shift of I was thanking God for giving me girls. Surely he knew what he was doing by giving me girls. And then, all of a sudden, I have all this testosterone in the house and I don't know what to do with it and I don't understand it. But going in, I thought I had prepared myself and made space to welcome the boys. At that time they were 13 and nine, so 13 for any of you parents out there that have a 13 year old I. You hear my. You know what I'm about to say, I'm sure, as far as the challenge is related to just dealing with a teenager.

Speaker 2: 7:45

And so I quickly, I quickly felt out of control in my own home and I questioned the authority in my own home. I didn't really know what it meant to be a stepmom, and so that doubt and lack of clarity had had me questioning everything about myself, thought, now wait a minute. I had just come from this space where I was so confident and I thought I had this clarity and I knew what was important to me. And so I think that is where I moved into the stepfamily coaching to say I was looking for resources where I could figure out what is God calling me to do in this space? Who am I really?

Speaker 2: 8:30

Okay, there's the label of stepmom, but what, what? These are the questions that people will deal with. Well, what do the kids call you? What is your custody arrangement? Who buys the groceries? Who cooks the dinner? Who does the laundry? Who makes sure the homework is done? Who takes them to the doctor? Can I take them to the doctor? Because I don't have any legal authority, but I'm married to this guy and I'm the step parent.

Speaker 2: 8:54

It's so confusing, and so when you have confused parents, you oftentimes have confused kids, and as we were talking, getting ready for this interview, we touched on that several times about the importance of speaking to the needs of the kids and honoring their needs, and so if there's one message that I could say to the world right now, I would say whether you're in a step family or you're parenting for the first time, or you're a grandparent lending a hand, if you have a role in a child's life, you have this beautiful responsibility and stewardship to love on them, not in the way that you think that they need to be loved, but in the way that they're telling you that they need to be loved. And in this year of clarity, in this 2020 time frame of the whole world being shaken up, we need to be able to give our kids a certain level of confidence that it's going to be OK when, even as we know, as parents, we're shaken up too. So when you add that lack of clarity in your own life to the blended lack of clarity, it can create a situation where the kids really feel lost. So that's why I pursue this.

Speaker 2: 10:17

I could not find a resource out there that blended God's word with blending marriages, and so that's what I'm passionate about is coming up with a way, a strategy, a game plan in advance, a vision for really becoming beautifully blended. And so that's why I'm here, that's why I'm pursuing this, because there's a whole lot of hurt. Whether you're the stepmom, the stepdad or the bio parent, or whether you're a kid in the family, there's a lot of hurt, and, as you and I talked earlier, we know that hurting people, they tend to hurt people, and so we want to be blended parents that heal our children, that prevent, redevore, that model what it's like to actually leave a legacy for your children to love. Well, so that's what I'm passionate about.

Speaker 1: 11:10

I love all of that and, as you were speaking to that, it was abundantly clear to me that this sense of hurt that people are feeling, especially the kids, it's a very, very real thing. I mean, I've done so many shows that. At this point it's abundantly clear to me that the adult mind and the child's mind are so completely different and the way that it comes through, I mean for anyone on the planet. Right now we are living in a various stage of grief from this old world that we used to live in and we're suffering from a lot of trauma because of the environment that we're in and how we're living. So, depending on the stage of grief I mean that can come out in anger, that can come out as depression, that can come in many different aspects.

Speaker 1: 12:10

And for the kids, especially when they don't even understand how grief is processed and they're not able to spend time with their friends and they're not able to go to school in the traditional sense that they were going to school and there's more isolation your message to love them unconditionally in the space that they're in is so profound and so necessary in this time and I really appreciate that, jen, that you're sharing that. And I just wonder because there is this level of chaos, in a sense, because there's various stresses that people feel, you have your normal stresses, but when it's compounded with a bigger global event and the lack of control that people have around that, it is much heavier. So I just wonder do you have any advice to help parents? Do you have any advice to help the kids that are really, really struggling right now in any capacity that they're in?

Speaker 2: 13:27

Yeah, definitely. And I want to speak to a couple of those things that you were saying, this lack of control let's talk about that for a minute. So if people are listening and they say, well, I'm not in a step family, so I don't really know, I'm pretty sure if you're not in a step family, you know someone who is in a step family. And if you're in a step family, there are things you just want to be heard, you want people to hear, and so oftentimes, when we talk about a hurt that we have, the response of a parent is to say it's going to be OK. We don't know how, but it's going to be OK. And so, as the kids we had touched on teeny bopperhood, and so as the kids get older and they're figuring out who they are, they're going to respond to you differently, with the classic, you know, the eyeball role, or the complaining, or the isolation on top of isolation, the withdrawing, the yelling, any of those kinds of things, because they're trying to express that all these things are going off in their body and so they don't feel in control. So I would suggest that we take the time to actually listen and again, something that you and I had talked about previously, this being present, this no phones, eyeball to eyeball, and while as parents, we do have lots of advice to give, there's such power in listening. And so if we were to sit down when our kid is telling us this is wrong or complaining about something, or you see they're struggling, asking them about it and actually speaking into that, instead of telling them it's gonna be okay, like what gosh? You seem to be struggling in this area. You wanna tell me what's really going on, and, as I remind my husband often that when I am talking with him about an issue, I don't necessarily want him to fix it, I just want him to listen and I want him to show me compassion. And so I think that is the biggest key is physically being present with your kid, looking them in the eye and using your ears instead of your mouth and showing them compassion.

Speaker 2: 15:53

You know when there's a crisis at work and the boss says, oh, we've gotta get together, we've gotta tackle this issue, this thing blew up and so we've gotta fix it. What do they do first? Well, they huddle together, they come together, and they're not bringing procedural manuals and they're not bringing recommendations from prior events. They're coming together with their creative minds and they're asking how can we resolve this? How can we address this? So they've got a new situation and, while they're gonna use their past experiences and skills, they've never encountered this before.

Speaker 2: 16:32

That's a lot like what blending is actually. When you come together, you think you understand it, but it really is very different than if you watched the Brady Bunch and saw everybody line up in their boxes. That does not happen. Explosions would be going off in those boxes if we truly showed what was going on with blending. So to get back to the question, it is, acknowledging the issue is real, demonstrating compassion and taking the time to listen to all work together to move from the place that's tough to a place that may be less tough, but making a space for that.

Speaker 1: 17:13

I love all of that and I reminded of how planning is so important, because I think when you implement a family plan together, it really does create an outcome of success. And right now what we know is suicide rates are climbing across the globe and unfortunately, it's in our young population that we're seeing the highest rates. So I think it's so vitally important that, as parents, we're very cognitive to the changes that our children are experiencing and understanding where it is that they're sitting in the space that they're sitting. And I think sometimes these family meetings that everybody cringes that they don't want to do.

Speaker 1: 18:05

I think right now what a better time to reconnect with your family, put a plan together. Put a plan together around connection, because we know that connection is the key to getting people out of depression. We know that connection is the key to keeping people in the light. So, with your children just sitting around the table and discussing ideas of what can we do to find ways to connect with our community, with each other, with our friends and, I know, with the platform that we're on right now this video technology, as wonderful as it is, it is hard also because it's not a physical connection. So I think, if you have a pet at home. Just allowing your children to really cuddle up with that unconditional love of a pet is so powerful, but also with the chaos that we go through, just as much as adults need to detox and get their spiritual alignment, so do the kids, and there's no time that is better than right now, than to get your kids outside and get that fresh air and sunshine and help their bodies unwind from holding on to the trauma on a cellular level.

Speaker 1: 19:35

But your point about the chaos of the blended family, I see a spiritual warfare, as you described it earlier to me, happening and compounding with a lot of different things and I think, especially with the world that we're living in right now. I think it really is important that, as families, that we do plan for success. But I mean, if you were to, I guess if you were to sit yourself down and you were to have a conversation with yourself and just say, jen, I'm gonna buckle you up for this ride you're about to have. Here's some advice for you. What would that advice be?

Speaker 2: 20:25

Oh my gosh, the imagery that comes to mind. I'm in a rocket ship and I'm in this astronauts suit and I'm gasping for air and the rocket is taking off and I'm trying to hold on. That's what just happened when you asked me that question. Oh gosh, honestly, as much as I don't wanna say it, here's the truth. I would say, jen, it's not about you, and I would say that because I didn't understand that these young men coming into my life were a blessing.

Speaker 2: 21:10

I didn't understand that and because of how I roll, I'm a list person. I've got a plan, I get things done. If you tell me that you're gonna do something, then I'm expecting that you're going to do it, and I don't know if you have boys out there. You know that it doesn't quite work that way. They look you in the eyes and say uh-huh, okay, okay. But as my brother-in-law reminded me, he said, jen, they're just waiting for you to be done. They're nodding their head and saying okay, but they're not hearing anything because they wanna go back to whatever that thing is that doesn't involve you at all. So they're saying okay to get you to get out of their face, not because they actually care one way or the other if they're gonna get it done. That's not what's important to them. And so getting that perspective, I think, was helpful. But I, as someone who likes things to well, how would I say it? I like planned spontaneity. Okay, that's probably a good way. I love it when we plan our spontaneous events. It works really well for me. So, yeah, just that the blessing is in the journey, the blessing is in that pain of transition, and I would encourage myself, my new stepmom self, to look at things from the kid's perspective and to give an example again for those who aren't in blended families. They may not quite catch what the issues are, and I do wanna take a moment here to encourage pastors to have an extra ear right now, because about 40% of your families and your churches are blended and no one is ministering to them, no one is talking to them and listening to them and sharing how they can move from the hurt to the healing, and blended is very different.

Speaker 2: 23:17

So how is it different? Well, imagine that you are required to pack a small bag and go to a foreign country, into a land where you do not speak the language, where you do not know the customs, you don't like the food, much less know what the food is. Everything is different. And you're told, hey, have a great time. You don't have any currency. You don't have any money to buy anything because you're not in relationship. And there is relationship currency, if you will that you build trust into your relationship. So you don't have any of that. And so, and oh, by the way, be happy because your mom or dad, they just got remarried and they're really happy. So be happy.

Speaker 2: 24:08

And so, depending on the ages of the kids, they want to be loyal to their parents, they want to honor their parents, and many of them won't express the pain that they're experiencing, or just the confusion like, ah, I don't, even this isn't my house, why do I? Now, I got to do things this way and for, um, it's well. I think that paints a picture of what some of those challenges are that we're asking our kids to completely change their lives and move into this new set of norms where they they can't buy and sell, yet that they just have to figure out how to survive. And so when you're working on surviving, we know that you can't be thriving. Then You're, because you're so filled with. How do I just get through this moment? And so if you're a step parent and you don't understand these transitions with the kids that are coming in, it's it makes it pretty challenging, because you take it personally, like why, why, why don't they like me? Even Okay, they don't need to love me, but, geez, why don't they like me? Well, as the manifestation of my parents are never getting back together again, sometimes it's pretty hard to like you, much less love you, and that just hurts. Right, it just hurts, but it's real.

Speaker 2: 25:38

And as we were talking earlier, I kept thinking about the elephants in the room that we have got to talk about these elephants in the room, and so we have we call them white share conversations. So we had a regular dining room table and we had the formal dining room table and there are white chairs around the dining room table and so we'd have white chair conversations. So we knew when we were having white chair conversations that these were real family meeting conversations that you were talking about earlier coming together. That, oh gosh, we don't really want to do this. And I'll tell you, we left many family meeting conversations angry with one another and we moved from every other weekend, where the boys came every other weekend, to an every other week. So there was a custody battle that was fought in there. So that's very challenging times and so I have I used to call them will I still call them Sunday night specials.

Speaker 2: 26:38

Sunday was the day of transition and for a while, there with the oldest one, we had Sunday night specials like, oh my gosh, it is, it's never good, and we go to bed hurt and frustrated and annoyed and in full of despair, all of those things, and then having to work through that and come back together again and asking yourself why, why is this so hard? So if you are struggling when your stepkids come over to your home, when it's your time on, I'm going to encourage you to do this one thing. I'm going to encourage you, encourage you to get together, you and your partner and the kids, and acknowledge the elephant in the room and say today's transition day, how are you guys doing? Is there anything that you're bringing from your week that we can help you with this week? What's going on in your schedule? So the boys were in different activities in school and so having that this is what we're doing this week, it kind of settles things a little bit to say, okay, even though I'm in this house. Now, with these rules, I'm still going to do some of these normal things.

Speaker 2: 27:56

So to the point of what we were talking about earlier, that even now those normal things are taken away, anytime we can normalize any of this, where we can have many traditions, if you will, many habits, atomic habits that help us blend together in a way that acknowledges those elephants, this is hard. I'd rather be at my mom's house, or I'd rather be at my dad's house. What parent wants to hear that? No parent wants to hear that, but it's real. Okay, so let's, let's talk about that and of course, that's something that it takes time to get to that point.

Speaker 2: 28:34

But, as we were talking earlier, if we can say right now, if you're in the thick of something that's really difficult in your blended family, I'm going to encourage you to move just a month down the road. Is it going to be this way in a month, or is there something that you could do, that could move from where you are right now in this boiling pot to maybe just simmering, and what would that thing be? And Begin to ask yourself that question, because oftentimes we, we, we just feel defeated, and when we're defeated, we're not solving, we're not being creative. We're not inspired, we're not asking ourselves hey, if I were just to be curious about how I could move from here to there, what would happen? And so curiosity goes a long way in asking ourselves how do we Move from where we are to where we want to go? And if we don't know where we want to go, we can't even begin to answer that question.

Speaker 1: 29:36

Yeah, I think there's so much in that that you just shared that is so powerful because it does identify the conflict, it identifies some solution and, you know, identifies a lot of things that people are going through.

Speaker 1: 29:54

And Even for people that are contemplating getting into this environment, I think it's just very helpful to have some tools that are available that they can implement immediately. And you know, I go back to my grandparents, who, you know, remained married forever and, and that generation they didn't have the ability to just up and leave like the women stayed home and the men were the breadwinners and you know, they that's the way that generation operated. But in today's world we have the ability to leave, and I think that's one of the things that makes it really hard for the kids to Is that? Do we have to worry about, you know, this new person in our life leaving, and that's something I think is one of the elephants in the room. You know we're building a relationship again and do we have to worry that this person's gonna leave us too? I mean, how do you have conversations around that?

Speaker 2: 30:55

Yeah. So as you were saying that, I just felt this arrow in my heart right, like what's the point of Even trying to be in relationship with you when I don't trust that you're gonna be here tomorrow, kind of thing. That's what I heard you asking, and so it is. It's very easy for us to focus on the negative. That's what we do. It goes back to the beginning part of our survival instinct, how we were created to make sure that we kept breathing right, and so we were aware of the negative in a way that it just can overtake the positive. And so that goes to really being intentional about what we're doing and understanding that challenge that our kids may fear that. And so I'll tell you my husband and I committed to each other that we were never gonna say the D word. Do you think we kept that commitment? No, no, we didn't. We didn't because we really weren't. I mean, we thought we were, but we didn't understand that we needed to actually kind of write a covenant down, just like you write your wedding vows, some people write their wedding vows down. It is like that to say that together, our vision together, is to stay married and to bring our kids into that vision like working out the plan with them. So, as adults, we have a responsibility to provide a home, so we put a roof over the kids head right and we feed them and we close them and we nurture them and we educate them. But we also have a responsibility to Encourage them to be creative and to see things that are possible even though they're not there right now. And so when we say, hey, all things are possible with God, we mean that it, this marriage, is possible with God, that we Are staying married to one another, and we understand that it's not gonna be an easy thing every single day, but we also understand that we can have some fun doing this together. So one of the projects that I would work on with parents and kids together is creating a family crest, and that's where everybody gets to come up with hey, this thing, this is what I like to do. So if they're real little, you know, maybe they have a baby doll that they really like. And if they're older, maybe they play baseball or they're an avid reader, or they play the guitar, it all this is age dependent, of course, but coming up with some sort of symbol that represents this is what we look like together blended, and I have. I have people that I want to be a part of. I have people that I work with. There.

Speaker 2: 33:45

They have developed this genogram where you put in all the players of your family and it shows you the connections of who's in your blend. So for me, like I said, it's me and my husband and the six, the two girls, two boys and two dogs. Well, who's in the house right now? Well, there's only one in the house right now because all the older three they're out doing adulting and the oldest one is making lovely grandbabies for us. So we love that, um, but what?

Speaker 2: 34:17

What actually is, um, I think, helpful to understand is that when we're together in this house, we're not the only ones who are influencing this home. And that's what this genogram, this family map, does. It shows you the outside influences. So if you're married for the first time and creating your family, you could identify some outside influences. Like my mother-in-law doesn't, like my husband I, that could be one right. That could be a negative influence.

Speaker 2: 34:52

When you're in a step family, you've got lots more adults involved and therefore you have lots more adults feeding in and influencing your children and some of what you know and some of what you don't, depending on what your custody schedule is and how Often they are with you versus how often they're in the other home. And so, when you create this map, you begin to understand that, while you thought when you got remarried you would be, you would have more control based on your experience, when you blend you, actually without understanding it, you actually lose control, because there are more players involved and more people giving you advice or Reminding you that you signed up for this. Then, then, if it's one family, and so the visual representation, I think, is incredibly helpful to understand how complex these families are. And so when, again, when you're in your home, even though there are outside influences, a thing like a family crest says hey, this is what we look like together, blended, and we understand that there are outside influences and we want to be aware of those. We want to, actually, we want to embrace them Instead of resist them. We, we use a lot more energy resisting them than embracing them, and so I just want to take a moment, if I can, and speak to those parents out there who are dealing with a high conflict.

Speaker 2: 36:25

Ex spouse, you can only change you, that's, that's it. You can only change you, and so, no matter what that other person is doing, your responsibility to steward and love your stepchildren does not change. It does not change and God is asking you to love the way he loves, and we know that that love involves sacrifice, and that sacrifice you know, back to this gen. Telling the newly married gen advice would be sacrifice is required and the pride that you have will be shaved off and you will embrace humility, and you won't like it because it doesn't feel good. Right, who likes to be disciplined? Nobody likes to be disciplined, and yet that's what you experience as you blend.

Speaker 1: 37:30

Yeah, and you know that's part of growth, though, is being uncomfortable. You know when you're growing you're uncomfortable, so you talk about not liking something. That's just part of growing. So I appreciate that there's there's so much that is involved in this process of blending families and I just wonder is there any anything we miss that maybe you could share with the audience that could be helpful in implementing today?

Speaker 2: 38:03

Yeah, I would say the most important thing is this that, just as you and I, in this conversation, are creating something bigger than either one of us could have created on our own, it's the same with you and your partner that you, you got married because you love this person and because you wanted to build a life together. And when you attempt to parent in whatever your blended situation is without your partner, it's not going to be good. It just is not. You need that person to support you, to love you, to back you up. You need to have conversations with them about what are our boundaries. My gosh, there's so much that we haven't talked about. But you really, you really need each other. You really do.

Speaker 2: 39:00

And if you could go back and recapture that starry eyed moment when you fell in love and remember that this is why, that this is what you're fighting for. You are fighting for that second chance that you've been given to love Well, to blend well to this, to blend beautifully together. And that requires work. And we know, when we think about people who we admire, we admire people who are willing to do the work. We. We are inspired by people who have this confidence that I don't know how, but I know that I can do this next thing. So all of that to say that it goes so much better when you're in it with the one that you truly love, and so be in it together. You two decide together what's important. Recapture that time that you had and begin to build out a vision for your family that says, wherever we are right now, this is the direction that we want to go, and then fulfill your call to lead in that direction.

Speaker 1: 40:07

You're right, there's so many things that we haven't discussed, but I think right now, with the way the world is, I mean we hit some high, high level pieces that people can implement today and start to make these soft. You know these soft, small, subtle changes in their family system. And it's just really. I mean really the whole context is around using tools. You know, using tools to create a better situation, a better environment, not just for your marriage, but, you know, your family system, for the kids, for everybody. That's connected, as you talked about, with the, the geogram and the family system, and I like that idea because it really does show the interconnectedness of how we need each other and how we really do have these six degrees of separation right, but we're all interconnected in some way and it just kind of reinforces that.

Speaker 1: 41:11

But, jen, this has been so enlightening on so many levels and I appreciate so much. You know the space that you're coming from, because I just really, I really know that there's so many people that don't go into this space because they just think that they're just going to get married and somehow they're going to make it work and it doesn't matter how messy or ugly it is. You know, this is what it is and we're just going to own it the way it is, but you're showing us a different way to own it. You're showing us a different way of embracing it and not making it feel so bad, right. So I love. I love that, that inspiration of hope. I love that light that you put on the subject and you're the perfect person to do that, because you're in it and you understand it and you know it.

Speaker 1: 42:06

And yeah, boys and girls are definitely different. I mean, I'm the mom of both, so I get it and, yeah, very, very different. But I mean what a blessing they are nonetheless, and they teach us so, so much. They teach us how we have this inner strength that we don't even know that we have, and they teach us our purpose and they teach us so many things that we don't even see about ourselves. That bubbles up to the surface, and there's so many blessings in that too, and that's a whole another show. But I can't thank you enough for being with us today. Thank you so, so much.

Speaker 2: 42:50

Yeah, I've absolutely loved it. It's just been. It's always eye-opening to talk and reflect about where you come from and where you're going, and I definitely like this space and again just want to encourage your listeners to keep your eyes forward. That it is. There's so many beautiful places that you get to go as a blended parent just to encourage them. That it's really amazing. It can be really really beautiful.

Speaker 1: 43:21

Yeah, and I love that so much. And just as a caveat, you know, because we talked a little bit earlier about the young population demographics being highly susceptible to suicide, if you are finding any changes in your child and you may think that this may be part of you know, their journey, please, please, please, reach out to your community and get the support you need. And if this is for yourself, you know, do that for yourself. But please do that because we are living in a space that is uncomfortable and, you know, as the rates go up around the world, I feel a personal responsibility to make sure I make mention of this, you know, when we have a conversation around it. So, yeah, so, jen, I mean again, thank you so much. Thank you for, you know, really putting a beautiful light on this topic and really, really, I guess, spearheading this vision, that it is absolutely something that can be very beautiful. So, thank you.

Speaker 2: 44:27

Sure my pleasure. Really enjoyed it, thank you.

Speaker 1: 44:30

Okay. So if I were to pick up your Earth Angel feather off the ground, what would your message to the world be?

Speaker 2: 44:39

Be joyful in all situations. Be joyful, and I know you and I had this blended perspective conversation, but it doesn't matter where you are, the world needs your joy, so that's that would be my feather.

Speaker 1: 44:59

I love that. I love that so much. Jen, thank you so much for being with us today, so filled with gratitude, and I just thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 45:07

Absolutely. You too take care.

Speaker 1: 45:09

And again, this is Catherine Daniels, with Retreat to Peace, reminding you to live your authentic life with peace. And, as always, retreat to Peace. We'll see you next time. I love Jen's step family conversation. It was so amazing just to hear some insight around blending families together, and I do think it is difficult to take a bunch of adults and a bunch of children and blend them when they don't have a history to bond from and jump off of. So creating that history does take time.

Speaker 1: 45:46

But the geogram idea, the family crest idea, the family map I mean there's so many things that she offered in our conversation and just thought they were so instrumental and I know we could talk for a long time about that, because there's so many layers of becoming a step family and how that works with the world today. I think it's really important that, heeding the advice that it really is not about you, that you, the only person you can change, is yourself. So just look for the blessings and and as she said, the world does need your joy. So it's really important that we look at that. I know for myself when I had my kids in you know, as they were growing up, it was really interesting, because one of the things that I always tried to do is look at them as individuals and look at their individual unique traits and try to focus on those special parts of them and strengthen them, because I thought for for anything. When they go to school, everybody is kind of bucketed into this one bucket. So, as a parent, it was really my job to look at the individuality of each of the children and give them their own self identity as far as what their strengths were. When we went through difficult times, I tried to really respect their individuality, try to share space with them, try to listen to them, not just automatically solve their problems, because we do need to raise children that can function in the world and think on their own, and I think that's so, so important. So sometimes you just have to listen. Sometimes you you do have to share a conversation with them and learn about where it is that they're at and how you can help them. But then there will be other times that, yes, as a parent, we do have to step in and we do have to solution whatever the problem is for them. So, respectfully, just trying to identify where they're at and where they're going I think is so, so helpful. So maybe that will resonate with someone in my audience and will be helpful to them.

Speaker 1: 47:50

Recently I did a presentation for Denver, colorado, weibo Networking Group. It's a bunch of entrepreneurial women and it was really amazing to be in the room with these women and literally watch their lives change right in front of me. This is part of what I do with Retreat to Peace and I just wanted to share with you some testimony of that experience, as I had received some beautiful thank you notes. So the first one is from Beth, and she says Catherine, I want to thank you so much for speaking at Weibo North Denver. Your presentation really spoke to me and I know it did the rest of the group as well. Thank you also for taking some extra time. It was truly a pleasure to have you and I would love to connect again. And, beth, absolutely I would love to connect with you as well.

Speaker 1: 48:43

This other one comes from Destiny. Destiny is amazing. She says Catherine, thank you so much for your presentation At Weibo's. It was heartfelt and grounding and opened up so many possibilities. I could tell your message was landing and your passion was shining through. And then I also have this other note that came from Jackie. She says Kathy, thank you for being so instrumental to me in my healing journey. I'm not the person I was when I started. I love all of you and thank you so much for sharing those messages with me. I mean, it's just incredible how retreat to peace is working and working through individuals.

Speaker 1: 49:26

Today, I wanted to share with you a message from Rumi. It's called. Every Moment, every moment, a voice out of this world calls on our soul to wake up and rise. This soul of ours is like a flame, with more smoke than light, blackening our vision, letting no light through. Lesson. The smoke and more light brightens your house, the house you dwell in now and the abode you eventually move to. On my precious soul, how long are you going to waste yourself in this wandering journey? Can't you hear the voice? Can't you use your swifter wings and answer the call? What is it that you've been ignoring about your calling or what is it that you need a message for?

Speaker 1: 50:33

I want to let my audience know that retreat to peace has found a host camp that is going to be hosting 2021 retreats, and it will be hosted at a camp in Pennsylvania, camp Inaba, which is literally the Lenape name for the Great Spirit is with us. It is a beautiful space. It's actually a little bit more of a summer camp in the sense that you would think of sending your kids to, but this was by design because, with 2020 and the impact of jobs and tightening up the budgets and things like that, it was really important that we made this affordable. So I wanted to let everyone know that this is going to be live. We actually have camp dates that are in the works right now. Some of our camps are going to be around literally creating a sisterhood. So we've got soul sisterhood. We've got a motherless daughters camp that will be running, and some of these camps you can actually use a tent. Some you can stay in a cabin, some you can stay in a lodge, so you will have an opportunity to pick which one works for you.

Speaker 1: 52:04

One of the things that we'll be doing at this camp is we will be working on what it is that you're feeling. As far as what that's inside voice, inside your head, is kind of knowing at you. So are you struggling with where you're going, with your career? Are you struggling with what is your life purpose? Are you struggling with your relationships with other people or maybe, in you know with yourself. So we're going to look at a variety of things and literally, when you come to the camp, you know the first day there'll be a little bit of a team building event. The next day, depending on what you select, you will have an opportunity to work specifically with me for a day to just focus in on working with your inner self and getting yourself connected to your authentic purpose, to your authentic journey and your direction as far as what it is that you were meant to do here on earth.

Speaker 1: 53:06

The next couple of days are going to be filled with activities. One of them will be with a guest speaker that is going to be a dietitian who's going to focus on your diet, focus on what it is that you're putting into your body and how it manifests into disease. So, if you remember, claudia Ballmer was the registered dietitian that I had interviewed recently. She is going to be one of the guest speakers. We also have activities that we'll be doing. So we'll be doing some some actual healing activities with art therapy, where we'll be doing some journaling. We'll be doing actual sound healing Reiki. There'll be other sessions as well, and a lot of this is going to be a very hands-on, full experience as far as the body, the mind and the soul, so the trinity of the body, the mind and the soul. This is going to be a workshop that, literally, when you come in, you're going to be one way, but when you leave, you're going to have a total transformation, such as what I did with the women in Denver, colorado, but this will be a much more deeper, fulfilled experience.

Speaker 1: 54:28

So if you're looking for information around any of this, please get me your email address and I will send all of that to you. So you want to email at retreat2pcllc at gmailcom and we'll get over to you all the dates and all of the information. As of right now, you can find some of the retreats on Eventbrite, and that will be for Pennsylvania. Spring City. Pennsylvania, is where the camp is, so that's where you can find it and, again, that will be live. There's a couple out there that are live already and for the entire 2021 calendar. They are being uploaded as we speak. So not all of them are uploaded as of yet, but they will be, and just keep your eyes open for that.

Speaker 1: 55:26

So, anyway, just wanted to share a lot of love and gratitude for the beautiful people that I continue to meet. I want to also just say that last week was an amazing week filled with energy. The previous week, I know it was pretty heavy, but last week there was some really good energy. So I am working on writing my third book. All three books, all three titles, will be released at the same time, and that was something that I was guided to do by God and Spirit.

Speaker 1: 56:01

So I'm continuing to honor that space and I just wonder if you're doing anything to honor your space. Is there anything that you feel like you should be doing to bridge that to a deeper level and really get connected? So I invite you to just ponder that question and think on it and make some time for yourself to just really get in a space where you're taking care of yourself and just really know that you are surrounded by a lot of love. And as we continue this journey, together with Retreat to Peace, I look forward to continuing to give you guidance and healing. And as my message continues to grow and builds out there, I'm super grateful for every single one of you that has allowed me to be part of your space and really just be there alongside of you.

Speaker 1: 57:04

So thank you so much and I just send a lot of healing prayers around the world right now, as we continue to go through adversity and a lot of changes, and I know there's a lot of distortions and people aren't really sure what is truth or what is not truth, and I would say that is true of wherever you are in the world, but we'll still continue to be there for one another. So continue to be in your high vibration. I wish you all love and peace and again, this is Catherine Daniels, with Retreat to Peace, reminding you to live your authentic life in peace, and we'll see you next time. And don't forget to join us when we have Casey Compton and her shared talk about losing everything. I'm not going to want to miss that. Have a great week.