Navigating the Storm of Chronic Illness to a Haven of Health with Kounthea Richards

When your body wages a war against itself, where do you turn for peace? Kounthea Richards bravely steps into our space, sharing not just her strife with lupus but also the emotional landscape of generational trauma. Her narrative isn't just a chronicle of pain, but a beacon of hope, illustrating the transformative power of the mind-body connection. As Kounthea recounts her journey through the darkest valleys of her illness, she sheds light on the emotional and mental roots of autoimmune diseases and how self-reflection, lifestyle changes, and the influential work of Dr. Joe Dispenza helped her to emerge stronger, healthier, and more optimistic than ever before.

Healing isn't a sprint; it's a marathon with hurdles of inherited emotional legacies and personal triggers. This episode is a profound exploration of that healing path, as Kounthea opens up about the guilt and shame tied to family struggles and how these burdens took form as lupus, particularly during the stress of pregnancy. She emphasizes the importance of pausing, listening to our bodies, and understanding the narratives we carry. In doing so, she invites us to join her in reverse engineering our thinking to address issues at their core, fostering a move from a victim mentality to one of self-advocacy and empowerment.

This conversation is a testament to the human spirit's resilience and the strength found in supportive communities. Kounthea's commitment to creating a nurturing environment for her child, the incremental lifestyle changes that pave the way for better health, and the shared significance of parental figures in our lives, all converge to paint a picture of a journey towards healing. As we wrap up with a reminder to live authentically and embrace peace, we also set the stage for our next session with Paul Foreshine, aimed at enriching your mindset and guiding you towards an authentic life. Join us and carry with you the spirit of peace, as we continue to unravel the stories that shape our well-being.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Hey you, wherever you are in the world right now. Thank you so much for being here. We know that we're living in some crazy times. We know that the world is changing and let's just create a bridge as we travel through one another's country, removing all the labels, coming together as one people, finding our home in one world as we do this. This is why our signature talk today is so important, and today I am so, so excited to welcome my dear friend Kanteer Richards. Hi Kanteer.

Speaker 2: 1:05

Hi Catherine, Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:07

Thank you so much for being with me. Now you're a mom, you're a comeback coach, you're an unshakable optimist and a mindset. Ninja, I love it. Oh, thank you. And you really help people to break through their limiting beliefs, their emotional challenges, so that they can step into their brilliance and create different realities.

Speaker 1: 1:32

I love this, ninja part, because it just creates this picture in my mind of like, you know, you just like owning it and, you know, really really going after it. So I love that, thank you. And I know, I know, kanteer, we have spoke offline and you have. You have such a beautiful spirit and you have such a remarkable story for our audience today. So I'm really excited to you know, dive into this and for a lot of people in the audience.

Speaker 1: 2:04

You know we're we're evolving into this new space with the new earth and healing the new earth, and I think part of this healing journey really is putting light into, you know, the darkness that people live in, right, and the darkness that people live in sometimes they don't even recognize that the darkness that they're living in is really this generational trauma, the stuff that has been handed to us generation from generation. And I know we could talk for days around this, you and I offline together, but let's kind of snapshot it in our talk today and if you could, let me just have you start, you know, with this and we'll start our conversation. So how did your generational trauma start for you?

Speaker 2: 2:55

Yes. So I'm just going to take you kind of like a couple of years back to 2013, when I was diagnosed with lupus. And so lupus pretty much is a it's an autoimmune disease where in my case, it pretty much attacked it almost every organ in my body. You know, you name it my brain, my, my kidneys, my heart, my skin, just everything. It's almost like, you know, when you have a virus in your computer and it attacks one file and then the whole system shuts down. Well, at that time, pretty much my body just pretty much shut down because of this systemic attack that lupus was doing to my body and I was extremely sick mentally, physically and spiritually for a period from 2013 all the way up to 2017.

Speaker 2: 3:50

And in 2017 was sort of like the pivotal moment for me because I started, it was my last relapse and I it was actually in 2016, I apologize, 2017 was when I started to kind of pick myself back up and say you know, enough is enough. I'm going to make a change, I'm making a commitment and I'm going to heal myself, regardless of what other people were telling me. So I started to go down this journey of self healing, started to sort of unlearn many things that I've learned, and just just going down to this, this, down this rabbit hole, and I discovered this whole new world of mind body connection. The work of Dr Joe Dispenza, which is actually his work, was what propel me in my healing journey and I started reading materials. That was just like new information for me. You know about how you know, sometimes when we experience things in our body is not just it's not because, as a result of something physical, there's an emotional, mental component to it. So I knew at that time in 2017, I was getting better. I felt like you know, you know I can actually make this change. So I started digging deeper and started doing like the deeper inner work and starting to figure out why am I so triggered? Like you know, I've changed everything. I changed my lifestyle. I'm eating better, I'm eating healthy, I'm moving. I'm actually able to move because at one point, my doctor recommended a hippo placement because that part of my, that bone in that hip here, was deteriorating. It was very brittle and she said you need a hip replacement. So I opt out. I say, let me figure this, let me just clean up my diet and do the things that I can to change this. So I did that and, hooray, I can walk, I'm working out and I'm just, I can move now without pain.

Speaker 2: 5:53

And when I started to dive deeper into understanding, while I'm feeling great and all, why am I so triggered by so many things? Like a lot of things are just getting to me? So I started to read more and I started to think about, you know, my family history, like what they've been through, like my family, my family is from Cambodia. We came to the United States because at that time there was a war, so we were seeking asylum, we were refugees, immigrants, and that was the story. That was my sister told me, because I wasn't born yet and I started reflecting back okay, how can some of these things impact my upbringing and how can that perhaps create what I'm experiencing now? So I started asking a lot of questions and it got me, you know, going deeper into this rabbit hole. And then I discovered that generational trauma like can that be? Can this part of me induce lupus? Can that create symptoms that can show up, and show up as a diagnosis of lupus? Because everyone is different, right?

Speaker 2: 7:10

So I started reading more and more and realizing that there's an emotional, mental component to chronic illnesses. You know. We in a sense kind of understand that. You know when you're stressed, you know you start to feel symptoms and you're like maybe you know you start to feel like you have a headache or your back start hurting. I just never really draw the connection of how can something be passed down from generation to have an impact on someone's life later on.

Speaker 2: 7:47

So I started digging deep into my family history and I realized that you know my mom, who passed away when I was 15, she had endured so many difficulties and hardship and so many things. Where Could that, could her upbringing, her conditioning, be passed down to me in some of my behaviors, in terms of how I look at myself, how I perceive the world? And that was pretty much what triggered me to realize that part of my healing journey was being able to go back to heal those parts of me, those beliefs, those conditioning that I took on as a young child. That created a lot of shame, a lot of guilt and a lot of fear inside of me. And I realized that these emotions, these difficult emotions, have a bearing in the development of my, of this diagnosis. And this is just coming from my own perspective, my own experience. You know, everyone's different. The trauma shows up differently in different people. Sometimes it manifests as a disease, sometimes it manifests, as you know, addiction to something. But I can speak for myself that a part of this onset of this disease process it's also has to do with my perception of the world.

Speaker 2: 9:18

How I was brought up. In this world I was. You know there's a lot of guilt and shame and fear. That's that's that I held on so deeply, you know. And once I started uncovering where the shame came from, you know, I was just a quick example.

Speaker 2: 9:38

You know, I grew up in a patriarchal household where, you know, as a girl, a little girl, as a woman, you're not supposed to. You have your place, you have your role. So you can't do certain things and if you speak up you would get hit. You know, and think about it from a child perspective. You know it's kind of like oh my gosh, so I can't even say anything, I can't speak my voice. So that has a lot of.

Speaker 2: 9:59

There was a lot of conditioning and what that did to me was I just I grew up to become sort of not an introvert, I was, I would speak, but I would speak. I would sort of be very careful when I communicate because I, you know, it's this part of me that's like saying, oh, you shouldn't speak because it's like life threatening or something. So that was like the skill and the shame that I was holding on for so long, like I didn't want to speak up. I didn't want to, you know, speak up, even though I know that it's right. So I believe that has a lot to do with some of the symptoms that I've had experience in the past.

Speaker 2: 10:36

And when I started to pretty much do the inner work and start to release the charges, the energy around the stories that kept playing in my head, I realized that all of this stuff, the pain that I was experiencing, just slowly went away. So a lot of it is what stories are you telling yourself, you know? So I think that's just that's just something that I've learned to, to now be mindful of. And then, for anyone who's dealing with any type of chronic illnesses, you know, what are you believing about? What your condition, the condition that you're in right now? And I think that's like the first, it's like a self inquiry, that you have to start this conversation, you have to start this dialogue so then you're able to kind of trace back to what. How is this impacting my life now? How, how? Why am I feeling the way I'm feeling now? You know.

Speaker 1: 11:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:33

So there's so many things that I want to like kind of go off in directions to talk about, but I think the generational trauma is really interesting because, you know, as humans we come into this world and we are the cellular structures of our parents and we really, you know I mean, when we go to a doctor's office and they ask us to fill out our medical history and what our parents have and what you know, maybe they have passed off or whatever I mean it's vital information because it's part of our DNA, it's part of who we are, it's part of our, our makeup as humans, and I can, I can understand how this generational trauma, you know, can manifest and how it can move through another person.

Speaker 1: 12:26

The thing that I guess I'm coming back to is you talked about the shame, you talked about the fear, you talked about the guilt. So I wonder, I mean you did discuss a little bit about being not being able to use your voice and I grew up like that you were to be seen and not heard. If you were heard, then there would be consequences of using your voice. So I understand what that feels like, and I also understand what it feels like living in a space where you're constantly testing because you're not sure if it is okay to speak your mind or say what you have to say, and that can be a very you know scary place. But what was it that you felt guilt around Like? Why were you feeling guilty?

Speaker 2: 13:18

You know, I, I, I honestly I didn't realize this, this, this guilt part, until maybe a couple of years ago, when I started to piece everything together, that a lot of the guilt came around from just growing up and seeing my mom just being the backbone of the family, doing everything, you know, taking a lot, of, a lot of stuff, you know, just pretty much supporting the family. You know, and as a child you know you feel I mean hopeless one and you're powerless and you can't really do anything. So you kind of take on this. Well, I know from myself I took on this, this narrative of oh, I wish I if I would have helped mom. Maybe she won't be this way, if I would have helped mom, she won't be sick If I would have. You know, it's just a lot of stories playing on and I didn't realize that that this could be a partial reason to the diagnosis I also another thing that came up for me was, you know, my mom had me when she was in her late 40s. She came to America a year later she was like 48 or 49. So she was at the the, I guess, the stage where she didn't want a baby. You know, and I remember just growing up, she would tell me, you know, I would have given you up for adoption, but your father told me to keep you. I don't even you know.

Speaker 2: 14:45

It's one of those things where, even though you're just saying telling a story as a joke and you're just being funny about it, but as a child, think about a child just taking in all this and hearing it from her mom saying that to her. So you know, I started developing this belief about oh, you know, I'm not loved, and I started to feel guilty because, oh wow, she's in her late 40s, right? She can't really take care of me. So there's a lot of guilt from like day one, in a sense, you know, even now I'm in her womb, right, there's an energetic feel that I may be experiencing, but I can't, I'm not able to articulate, right, until now when I'm a mother myself, right. So the guilt just came from different direction. When my mom got sick, I heard my sister said that it was because of me, Because when she gave birth to me it was really complicated, there was a lot of things going on and now she needs a new kidney, and that in itself was like guilt for me and I was like, oh my gosh, it's maybe. My mom passed away because of me, so I carried that. That was at the age of 15.

Speaker 2: 15:52

So you have guilt starting from, you know, as a child, into being 15 years old and you continue to carry this on through life. I was diagnosed with lupus when I was 30 years old and imagine living in a state of survival since day one because I felt, you know, I had to. There was kind of like this abandonment in a sense, like they were physically there but emotionally they were not there and I just have this narrative of I'm not loved. So, as a child and into, okay, the day that my mother passed, here I am with another guilt and then carrying it on and on and I believe that it's only a matter of time that it's going to trigger something. And it just so happened that it triggered during my pregnancy, when things are kind of like hormones are up, and you know it was also a stressful time of my life. I was starting a new career, things are going great, but it was also stressful.

Speaker 2: 16:47

So you know, when you carry these unhealed wounds, there's a physiological, there's just that biology. You're impacting your biology in so many ways, you know, and I didn't realize all that until I started piecing everything together and I realized, wow, this goes deeper. This goes deeper than just being physical. It just you know, this physical disease, it's more than just physical, there's more to it. So that's where the guilt came in. I just carry that guilt and I realized when I started to draw the correlation to my mom's death and maybe it has a role in my lupus diagnosis that's when I things start to fall into place, where I started to not experience some of these symptoms anymore. I'm no longer triggered by certain things anymore. So that was kind of like a pivotal moment for me as well.

Speaker 1: 17:40

Yeah, and was there any time that you had to? I don't know. Take a step back in practice. Forgiveness work.

Speaker 2: 17:49

Oh, yes, yes, that was. I remember at one point I kept saying, yeah, I forgive, I forgive, but it was all in my head, I didn't really feel, I just said it, just to kind of say I said it. But I remember when I did practice forgiveness and I wrote a letter, I wrote a letter to myself, I wrote a letter to my mom, I wrote a letter to my dad, and I just let everything out and I remember, whew, all of that, just whatever I was carrying, just slowly just started to dissipate and I felt better. You know, and I think that's a huge part, because, forgiveness, holding onto this stuff, it's like you're killing yourself softly, right? You're just carrying this invisible weight on yourself and I think that's what I've been carrying, not knowing that I've been carrying it.

Speaker 2: 18:43

So honestly, in my opinion, I feel that if you've been dealing with something in your life, whether it's a chronic condition of any sort, it's go deeper. It's more than just something on the surface level. You know, try to. The first thing I would say, try to understand. Well, not try to understand, but figure out what's triggering you. And I think when you are able to answer that question, it's gonna leave clues to allow you to go deeper and deeper and deeper. That's just the first thing that for me, that was kind of pretty much what started this journey of revisiting childhood, revisiting how my parents were raised and their history, and just from answering that question, allow me to dig deeper and allow me to uncover so many things. So that's definitely self-inquiry has been something that has helped me with my healing journey.

Speaker 1: 19:41

I love that you're sharing your story because I think there's so many people out there that are afraid of doing that inward work and doing some of this trauma work and a lot of times the trauma like you said it's not always our trauma, but we are attached to it and it's a matter of detaching from it. And I just wonder because somebody in our audience is probably wondering you wrote these letters. What happened to the letters? Did you keep them or did you get rid?

Speaker 2: 20:13

of them, I get rid of them. I wrote it and I ripped it. I didn't know, I mean I could have burned it, but I just felt like, just let me rip this. I mean this is something that I felt that was best for me at that time. Yeah, it was a huge, huge release. And then I actually felt it in my heart. I felt wider, you know. I felt like, oh, wow, like you know, it's not my fault that you know you can't control what happens to other people, right? And I think I took on this narrative at a young age where I wish I could have helped mom or I wish I could have done this, you know. But I've learned that that's not in your control. What's in your control is realizing that you have these triggers. You have these, maybe these, you know patterns that are not serving you, and figure this out, figure why are you trigger? You know, and start working from there. Just reverse engineer your thinking and start working backward. You know, and that's what I did, you know.

Speaker 1: 21:16

It's so profound that you had this ability and this insight to be able to recognize it and then work it backwards. Like you said, I think a lot of people, when they experience something, sometimes it may be a state of denial, Like they just don't want to recognize that they're going through something and maybe it's linked to other things. But then you know you have this invisible rug that keeps getting pulled and you're slammed down and then it gets pulled again. You're slammed down and, in a sense, these reoccurrences of these situations, they do frustrate people because they're like well, why is this black cloud over me, why are these things happening to me? And sometimes I think, just stepping back and taking a deeper dive into the possibility that maybe some of this healing work needs to be done and addressed to help you not have that reoccurrence of a situation.

Speaker 1: 22:20

And I've interviewed so many people and they have shared with me their very intimate details of their life and how it's manifested into disease or illness or whatever it may be. And in your particular situation, I know you had shared with me that you were pregnant when you got your lupus diagnosis and I just wonder, first of all, if you could explain to people, because I'm sure someone doesn't even understand what lupus means. If you could explain to people what lupus is and how it really affects the person who has lupus.

Speaker 2: 22:59

Yeah. So just to kind of give you a quick like Google dictionary, it's an autoimmune disease where it attacks. It's systemic. So your immune system is actually attacking itself. And that's pretty much what you would get if you asked a doctor, a conventional doctor, or Google it. Right, it's your immune system attacking yourself.

Speaker 2: 23:18

And early on, even when I heard that it just never, I wasn't convinced. Like why would my immune system attack itself? Like I've always had that kind of the detective mind going on. Like early on, right, I was like what am I doing to my body? And then no one could ever give me a straight answer Like we don't know, we don't know. So for me, for my particular situation, it was systemic.

Speaker 2: 23:48

So lupus attacks pretty much almost every organ in my body. I was at one point I couldn't remember I had I guess you call it a it's a mini stroke, and at that time I couldn't remember my husband's name. Yeah, I couldn't remember anyone. So that was like terrifying in its own. I was, I just gave birth, you know. It attacked at my skin. I had all these rashes on my skin. Joint pain was severe. I couldn't even grip, let alone even brush my teeth, you know. So think about me wanting to hold my child. It was just like I was really in a bad place. My hair was really thin, was falling off, and I was also put on steroids. For those of you know, for those who have any autoimmune disease or have lupus, steroids is it's a I call it the devil's medicine because it's so bad in so many ways Like I would get mood swings, I would be depressed and then I would feel happy.

Speaker 2: 24:56

It's like I feel like like this constant mood swing is just unbearable. I was extremely fatigued. There's so many symptoms I'm just trying to think of, I think, because I haven't experienced for so long that I'm just like. I don't even remember how they feel like. But you know, it was just attacking everything, my bones especially, you know, and at one point I couldn't even walk and when I would walk I would have to hold onto something. It was really bad because I'm pretty active. I was like I'm an avid gym goer and then when that hit me, like I felt like my whole life just shattered. I had to. I became this helpless person, you know, and that, to me, was just like I was. I became depressed, you know. I was suicidal at one point. You know, it was very hard.

Speaker 2: 25:46

While I have a great support system, my husband, an amazing husband who's like playing doctor and researcher and nutritionist for me, all in one, I was just. I was in such a dark place that I wasn't open to receiving any of the love or the support because I was so much in kind of that victim mentality at one point that I felt like there's nothing for me here, you know, anymore, even though I was a new mom. But then I realized that wait, hold up like this is not right. You know, this is not how I want to end my story. I've always been a big believer of you know. I want to go out to this world, I want to do everything. And here I am. Am I going to allow this to cripple me, cripple my way of thinking?

Speaker 2: 26:30

And I know I didn't mention this to you, but what pretty much was the pivotal moment for me was when I had a miscarriage. That was when I decided wholeheartedly that I was going to do whatever, whatever it takes, to get better and I wasn't going to take anyone else's story as my story. So that's when I started changing and that's when I started to become my own researcher, to become my own advocate, you know, for healing and become accountable for my own healing. That's pretty much what I did. So yeah, lupus can affect people differently, but for me I felt like it just took everything out of me and I had to start from scratch. I had to learn to love myself again. I had to learn to hold on to like a toothbrush. I had to learn to kind of think simple things, because that's how much it sort of wiped. It just wiped me out, you know.

Speaker 1: 27:31

You said something really fast that I want to revisit. You had to learn to love yourself again.

Speaker 1: 27:38

Yes, I think that that is so powerful and it bears repeating, because a lot of times I feel like when someone is going through a difficult time and they're in that darkness, they're in that space of darkness they lose the insight of needing to love themselves. So you had briefly mentioned that you were suicidal and, if I could ask you, what was it that reversed course for you and gave you the ability to have this insight that you know something? There was a reason that you were meant to be here.

Speaker 2: 28:22

Yeah, you know I mentioned to you briefly about the miscarriage and I realized that I think the miscarriage for me was what was kind of like the not aha moment, but that kind of like I hit that psychological threshold where I've lost something so dear, so greatly from me. Then I realized that I still have a little one who needs me and I realized that she you know God took something precious from me but he still has to have one that's with me. And for her to thrive and to grow and to develop into this human that I want her to be, she needs a mom, and my daughter Bella is her name, is pretty much the force, the anchor that has helped me to get through all of this. Like, even when I was just so sick you know, she was her smile, just being around her she was the one who lifted me up and I say you know what I'm gonna do this for my daughter. And I think when you start to not think about yourself anymore when you're sick because that's all I did at that time, like I was thinking about my symptoms, I was in my story, you know, I was on top of my story you know that when you start to have a higher purpose and that purpose is something bigger than you, which is another human being. You're no longer. You know you're. You have a different, you're operating from a different space now.

Speaker 2: 29:55

Now you're saying that for Kinter to be the mom that she needs to be, she needs to think of her daughter she needs. So what does Kinter have to do right now, at this moment, so she can be a better mom mentally, physically? So that's what. That was one of the questions that I would ask myself, like what do I need to do for myself right now? You know? So that was kind of the the starting point for me to get better, because I had this baby. You know that I want to be here for her. You know, I was very grateful that I have my in-laws who were taking care of her, but I want to be the one taking care of her. You know, I want to be the one creating memories for her. So she was my anchor to getting better.

Speaker 1: 30:36

And she was absolutely your earth angel to shed light into your dark space and just have you see the ability of seeing it through her lens? I mean, you spent all these, all these years or all this time healing your generational trauma and there had to have been a piece of you that was like I don't want my daughter yes To go through what I experienced with my mom, Right.

Speaker 2: 31:07

Yes, definitely. That was something that I started realizing that, you know, I want to give her the I don't want her to hear, I don't just want her to hear love or hear joy. I wanted to experience it. So I made a commitment and that was something that I intentionally make sure I provided to her on a daily basis.

Speaker 2: 31:28

You know, I'm not a perfect mom. I have my moments, but I also do realize that when I'm trigger by certain things or from her, that's what she's doing. I know that. All right, I have to check myself, take a step back. What is it that I need to work on, you know? And that's just. It comes in just being aware of your actions and what you're doing daily, right? So with her, I wanted to make sure I created this nurturing, loving environment for her, because I don't want her to go through what I've been through, and even more so. I wanted to break this pattern. I wanted to be the one to say you know what I'm done with this. Let me cut this off right now. So this that's why I'm here today, and I'm just so grateful that I'm. You know it's it's a work in progress, but it's it's work that's going. It's turning into something beautiful.

Speaker 1: 32:17

So, Kanter, when you were in this darkness and you made a decision because that's literally what it came down to you made a decision that you weren't going to be in that space anymore. Yeah, what? What was it like? What was your first step to climbing out of that darkness?

Speaker 2: 32:37

You know a lot of it. It was my mindset, Like I had changed my diet. I was sort of like walking, you know, even though I was in pain. But I, you know, I drank all the green smoothies. I ate, you know, salad, and just try to eat clean as much as I can.

Speaker 2: 32:52

But what I started to really work on was the way I think, what was my perception or my belief about this condition. You know, a lot of it came from my husband, who would tell me all the time, like you know, you're doing fine, but once you leave the doctor's office, it felt like you had a bad surgery or something like this dark clouds over you, have your depress, just because your doctor say that you, you might have to get hip surgery, or just because your doctor say something that you didn't want to hear. So that was like kind of like a light bulb moment for me where I realized that wait, hold up, If I'm feeling fine and dandy, before going to the doctor's office, and when I would leave the office I would feel gloomy. What does that? What is that telling me? It's, it's a lot. It has a lot to do with what am I believing about this? The prognosis? What am I believing about this condition? Because you know, everyone is telling me, yeah, you're going to have to live with this condition forever. And at one point in time I did take on that narrative. I started to believe that maybe this is my life. And then I started to realize, I started to ask myself, like, do I mean, am I in control at least some part of this disease process? And the answer is yes, I do have control.

Speaker 2: 34:09

After research and realizing that, you know, while a portion of it may be genetic, the other portion, based on the research that I was reviewing, it's about what?

Speaker 2: 34:21

90% is environmental factors that's when I start to realize, oh my gosh, this is an empowering statistic. Let me start to stop making changes, Things that I have control over, which is what I eat and how I think. And that was like a hard road for me because I was so stuck on, you know, like I'm broken, I'm sick. And when you started, when this has been your story for so long, it's hard to just break it. But I started realizing that if there are other people who have come before me who's healed and are doing great, then I can do the same. It's all about perspective and that's been something that I operate on till this day. You know, like when I go through things Now, when I go through things that are challenging or put to me in a fearful state, I start asking myself like what am I believing about this situation or what am I believing about the story? And that has been a game changer for me and making myself look at things differently.

Speaker 1: 35:20

Yeah, mindset is so powerful, like the brain is so incredibly powerful, and it literally can, you know, bring you into this darkness or it can bring you into the light. And it's really about making a decision and what it is that you're going to do. And I know you said that you started to look around your environment and you started to change some of those factors in your environment. So what was it that was in your environment that was making you sick?

Speaker 2: 35:52

Well, I know first off the food that I was consuming. Everyone is different, you know, some people can tell a certain things what may be healthy for one person is not healthy for another person. So what I started doing, I started just kind of experimenting with different, first different foods and I 100% eliminated inflammatory foods, like I remove dairy, I remove gluten, I remove white sugar and I pretty much have taken pretty much yes, pretty much removed processed food as well for a short period of time, because I knew, with the research I was doing and reading, that leaky gut is one of the triggers to auto immunity. So I have the first step. The first thing that I did was I made sure I eat clean. I ate a lot of plant based food. I and that helped a lot with, you know, healing my gut, now being able to feel better, and that was the first step. The second step was after I started feeling a little bit better.

Speaker 2: 36:52

I know that movement is so important because I've always been a big exercise person, like I've always moved my body. So it and and when I started just to move and so started to jump on the trampoline, that was the first thing I did actually just to kind of get my body going was jumping on a mini, the trampoline, and that helped a lot with the circulation, the blood flow. And then I started walking and it was all about just taking baby steps, because when you're really sick and you're in chronic pain, you know, the thought of moving is like, no, I'm not moving because I'm in pain. But it's actually counterintuitive. Like you want to move, you want to get your body going. So I started changing. My diet was one, moving is the second one. I mean you don't have to do anything crazy. Running, that's not what I did. And I started to doing restorative yoga. I started just to practicing just mindfulness work and yoga was absolute change, game changer for me. It helps in so many level, you know, managing my stress and anxiety. That was like the best thing ever.

Speaker 2: 37:58

And then, when it came to my mindset, I started to realize I started just to become more aware of things that would go in and out of my head, like the stories, like when I would get trigger, like what did I just think about? That make, that made me feel anxious or made me feel guilty, you know. And once I started becoming more aware and this is all mindfulness practices, you know once I started becoming aware of these, these, these, these dialogue that I was having in my head. I started to say, maybe this is why I'm feeling this way. So I started working on my mindset.

Speaker 2: 38:34

I started, you know, there were things that I had to make sure I put in the forefront because, even though I was eating clean, I also had cravings for sweets and, you know, every once in a while I would probably indulge, but then I would, you know, start feeling the symptoms again and I'm like, okay, now this is a self sabotage and behavior. Right, like you're, you know better, but you're still doing it. So I start to work on, like, why do I feel the need to want to eat this? You know, why do I feel the need to want sugar? So I started to, instead of going cold turkey, I started maybe having a piece of fruit instead, you know.

Speaker 2: 39:09

So it's just like, kind of, it's all about baby steps. For me, and I think, for anyone who's dealing with any type of illnesses or diseases, you know, baby step is the way to go because it's more sustainable, you know, and you know your body. That's the one thing I've learned. Like no one knows your body more than yourself, I think, when you take the time to listen to your body, to actually just sit and listen and pause, it's all in here, all the answers in there, and that's what I've learned in my own healing journey.

Speaker 1: 39:42

Yeah, and you're just very insightful as to that inner space of you that needed the healing, and I think that's something that 2020 has really highlighted for a lot of people is that there is this inward space, that there is a space that does need the healing work, and you've done so much in, you know, during the course of your journey with the generational trauma, you know, recovering from looping from lupus and continuing on that journey and just making a very decisive decision around what your next steps were going to be to make it your best. You know life and for your daughter and your family and everyone and I just think this is so inspiring because many people it would be easier not to do that. It would be easier just to you know, not move and continue to eat things that are going to damage the body. It would be easier to do that.

Speaker 1: 40:45

If you were to give yourself advice at any point during your journey, what advice would you give yourself?

Speaker 2: 40:58

Pause. I've always been a doer, a doer, a doer because I see that growing up, I see my mom over like she's this overachiever, and I took on that behavior. I took on this pattern, I took on this condition and when you pause, you allow yourself to take in the things that are happening to you. I think part of what triggered this disease process in my body was I never took time off. I kept going and going and going, and when you do that, it's only over time that your body can take so much of it. You're just taking all of this stress and stuff you go through. Pausing has been my sole medicine. That's what it's been for me. When I pause, I can actually think better and I'm able to get in touch with myself and, honestly, I'm able to make better decision because I'm going in instead of, you know, taking in all the noises that's out there. Pause is definitely something that's been my anchor for healing.

Speaker 1: 42:07

And I think you know, with the yoga that you talked about and the mindfulness I mean yoga, they have shown just when we go through trauma, how we retain it in our bodies and stored memory, and the yoga process actually undoes that storage. So it helps to detox the body, remove that from the body. So I think that's very powerful. But the mindfulness is equally as powerful. So I appreciate you sharing that and I you know for people that, because, briefly, we talked about suicide, but I just want to make mention. If there is anyone listening in the audience and you feel like you're in that space of suicidal thoughts, ideology, whatever, please go and get yourself that community support. Get yourself whatever you need to get yourself into a space that's healthy and healing and it's going to work for you.

Speaker 1: 43:11

We know suicide around the globe has climbed with the pandemic and we just want to bring those numbers down as much as possible. But if you're hearing this message and you have any, any thoughts of suicide, please get yourself some support. But come here. I appreciate our conversation so much. You have so you have so much to offer in the sense of healing and the healing work and the healing journey for our audience and it's just beautiful to hear you know, not just to hear your story, but to see you living in a space where this healing work has manifested and has really changed your life completely. I mean, if there's anything like what, could you talk to you about how your life is today versus what you thought it was going to be?

Speaker 2: 44:04

Yeah, oh my gosh, it's like a star contrast. My life today is just filled with joy, and I'm not saying this just because I want to say joy. It's because I choose to want to feel joy. I choose love, I choose joy over all the stuff that's going on right now. You know, and when you consciously make decisions every day from a place of intention, like how you want to feel, this is how you operate, this is how you start to go into this world and perceive in the world.

Speaker 2: 44:37

So, for me, I'm just, I'm active. I've, you know, I've just been doing a lot of things now, the things that I couldn't do before I'm getting back. I'm doing weight training. I'm just doing so many things with my life right now and, you know, taking care of my daughter. It's just been a beautiful blessings for me and I just love everything because before I couldn't even do it, I was on the couch sleeping. I was, I felt like I was bedridden in a sense, you know. But now you know, I learned that you know you're going to have people telling you you can't in so many ways. But it's not about what they think, it's about how do you, how do you want to write your story, and that's something that I tell a lot of people like tell me how do you want to write your story, because you can rewrite your story.

Speaker 2: 45:23

And it's all about perspective.

Speaker 1: 45:25

Yeah, do you find? Do you find that your generational trauma and this diagnosis of lupus, do you think that was something that I don't want to say gifted to you, but was it gifted for you?

Speaker 2: 45:40

as far as giving you a different perspective, yes, I think that you know, we can go in like different ways with this, but I believe that I had to go through this to become a better mom, to slow down, to pause, to take in, to be in the moment, because I've always been this like, always up to something and again that's a trauma response, right, this flight like you're always busy, busy, busy. And that's what I've been operating my life, the past, what 30 something years until I got hit with this. Then I realized that you know, this is probably something I had to go through and I'm okay with it. Now I accept that this is the civil lining, because look at where I am right now. I'm a better mom, I'm a better person to myself, because I've learned to come back home to myself, to feel safe on my body and to accept every part of myself. And that's beautiful, because now I'm able to raise a daughter from a place of wholeness and not feeling that I'm not enough, and that's really what I've been struggling with for so long.

Speaker 1: 46:43

Yeah, yeah, and even in chronic illness. I mean, you were enough. It was just the way that it shows up it's different. Yes, yeah, definitely, yeah, this has been an incredible conversation and I just appreciate you sharing your journey, sharing your story with all of us. So thank you so, so much. Thank you, thank you so much for having me on. Yeah, and I always ask all of my speakers if I were to pick up your earth angel feather off of the ground, what would your message to the world be?

Speaker 2: 47:19

You get to decide the outcome of your story. It's all about perspective. That's perfect, yeah and it really is. It's so so, true, it's so so true.

Speaker 1: 47:31

So thank you so so much again for being with us today and just appreciate you being transparent and sharing all of this with us. So thank you for that. Thank you, and that's all we have time for today. This is Catherine Daniels, from Retreat to Peace, reminding you to live your authentic life with peace. And, as always, retreat to Peace, we'll see you next time. So welcome back.

Speaker 1: 47:58

Wasn't it amazing to hear about generational trauma and exactly what Kanita had put together for her life and change it and just make it completely different from what it was that she had as far as being given to her, and just changing her diet, changing her mindset, changing everything when it came to her lupus diagnosis and the autoimmune condition? I know in weeks past, when I had spoke with Claudia Ballmer, she had talked about how a lot of times, just the food we're eating and what it is we're doing with our bodies, how it manifests into disease or concrete autoimmune conditions. So I think it's really fascinating when we get into a space where we're talking to someone who really understands exactly what that means. Next week, I have a guest speaker who's going to share a very personal, intimate story of his own journey, and Paul is going to come to us and he's going to share how he literally, as a child, undid this labeling that was put upon him, not necessarily by people around him, but just in general the labeling. And this is something that you're not going to want to miss, because he actually talks about ways to improve your mindset and he shares with us his own personal journey and what that looked like for him. And Paul is just this, really this amazing person that is really just a breath of fresh air. So Paul and I met literally last summer and we had this really intimate conversation and it was really nice. So you're going to be able to experience this interview from the, the early days of retreat to peace and, as far as you know, just getting in front of you with some of these stories and I have so many of them that it was just really hard to get everybody out in front, you know, in a timely manner.

Speaker 1: 50:00

But I do want to also put out there that I think this is a very special time of year when we acknowledge all the mothers, we acknowledge all the fathers and just acknowledge the people that took care of us when we were growing up. For some people, they didn't have a traditional family. They didn't have the traditional mom or dad, or maybe it looked different, and I know for myself, I was in that boat and I would just say that, no matter who it is, that was a father-like figure, for me that would have been my grandfather, or a mother-like figure, and again for me that would have been my grandmother. I just asked that you go to them and thank them and just wrap your arms around them and let them know that you appreciate them. I think, in this time that we're living in right now, it's really, really important that we do really recognize one another and show our appreciation when we can.

Speaker 1: 50:58

The other thing that I wanted to share with you is that more recently, I'm hearing more and more conversations around people that are dying from the injection that they've gotten or from other aspects of what it is that they've experienced with illness and things like that, and I know, as we're, you know, in these dark days of people passing, that we really do remain mindful that we are on this journey. We're here for a purpose, we're here for a reason, and we need to utilize every single day that we have to the best of our ability and we need to remain in a high vibration. So, again, if you're having any kind of struggle around remaining in a high vibration, I encourage you to turn on some music, get some feel-good music that is going to revitalize you and energize you and disconnect those thoughts that you may have that may be weighing you down and for a lot of people you know, these thoughts could be just heavy thoughts around how it is that you're going to do basic things, and I encourage you to look for ways to be creative and just get yourself out of going down these dark roads that people can go down. I know people close to me that are experiencing darkness. Um, it seems over the course of the year, year and a half, that people have either gone one direction or another and a lot of people are shifting. So they're shifting into their authentic, true space as far as what it is that they would like to do and design for their life. But then there's other people that may have been forced into a space that they didn't necessarily think they would be living in and it has created a spiral effect.

Speaker 1: 52:57

So, regardless of where you are, just remain mindful that you do have the power, you do have the control to engage yourself in what it is that you want to manifest. So if you want happiness, you can decide that for yourself. You can manifest your own happiness. Look for all the things that bring you happiness and show gratitude and appreciation for it and, as I said, put music on to disengage the darkness and get you into a space of euphoria and happiness. But remember to be mindful to enjoy the fresh air, enjoy the sunshine, enjoy the simple pleasures that really are very basic to every human being that is on the planet and for people that are listening that are experiencing troubling times with their governments or with how they're living. Again, remain mindful that you do have the power of controlling your thoughts and controlling what it is that you are able to do.

Speaker 1: 54:04

The other thing that you can also do to help detox your body is to journal. One of the things that really helps with undoing traumas journaling and it allows you to go into spaces that you may not have otherwise known. We're sitting there, so I had a really intimate conversation last evening, actually, with some friends around my book and I had talked about how I started my book and it literally was the journaling entries that I had made that really became the precipice of putting a book together because there was so much to it. So when you start doing that, you start reliving some of the details, and by reliving some of those details, you actually are creating healing, and there's a lot of healing work that you can do and manifest within yourself. But it is a choice, it is a decision, and if you're looking for self-exploration, of healing some of generational trauma or healing those spaces that you were uncomfortable with within yourself, I encourage you to start journaling, and the best way to do that is literally just sit down and put your timer on for five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, whatever it is that you're comfortable with, and just write whatever comes to you. I mean, if you're thinking this is stupid, I don't want to write, then just write that down. It's okay. But what it will do is it will start to develop into a place where your body will get more comfortable and at ease, where you can just start to let it go. And, as Kanita had shared with us with her letters, she actually, you know, ripped them up and destroyed them. You can do the same exact thing with your journal entries if it's something that you're not comfortable with and you just want to release. So there's multitude of ways that you can help detox the body, but that's one great way to help with releasing the generational trauma, removing it from your cells and just getting into a space of healing.

Speaker 1: 56:10

I always say make every decision around healing, and that will definitely be on some merchandise that's coming up, so that's getting prepared as we speak. But I encourage each and every one of you, wherever you are, wrap around your loved ones and just let them know how much you love them and appreciate them and just do everything you can to take care of them. These times that we're in, they are hard and they are nothing like we've ever thought we'd be experiencing, but we can help each other in the best way that we know how, and the best way that we can do that is just to show love and give love and be love and be light. Just be the light in sunshine and the ray of sunshine for someone who is in the darkness and experiencing darkness, it's just not enough to be said for that. So take your smile, share it with the world, share it with everybody you know and just do your part to raise your vibration and everyone else's vibration around you.

Speaker 1: 57:13

So this is Catherine Daniels, with Retreat to Peace, encouraging you to live your authentic life with peace. And, as always, retreat to Peace and join us next time as I speak to Paul Foreshine in his talk about ways to improve your mindset. You're not going to want to miss this one, so have a great week and we'll see you next week. Until then, retreat to Peace.